Rich Privilege: Difference Between Couldn't Afford and Didn't Afford

I've been noticing something lately. It's one of those things I didn't used to notice, but once I started noticing, I can't stop.

It's the use of the phrase "I can't afford X."

As in, "I just can't afford another tutoring session." Or "we really can't afford to travel right now."

It's not so much that I notice that people don't have enough resources to do stuff. That happens a lot. What I've been noticing is that people don't always understand what "can't afford" means.

"Can't afford" means that you do not actually possess, and cannot acquire, the resources to do something, or alternatively, that allocating the resources for this particular thing would be skipping a necessity such as food, shelter, water, heat, etc.

There are many things I can't afford. A private plane. A home in Indian Village. A really nice car (I know I should name a specific ones, but I'm not into cars enough to know which ones are too expensive).

On the other hand, there are things that I don't afford, but could. I don't afford a European vacation, but at this point in my life, I could make choices to have one. I don't afford designer handbags, or manicures, or fine jewelry. I am privileged enough that my necessities are met, and I have enough income to make choices between luxuries.

The temptation of the privileged, though, is often to pretend not to be privileged. And so  it's easier to say "I can't afford" than to admit that this particular thing isn't a priority (particularly when it's something that perhaps should seem like a priority if one could, in fact, come up with the resources).

That seems to lead to another phenomenon, which is the belief that the only people who are truly rich in the US are those who not only can, but do, afford everything. As in, they don't have to prioritize. They don't have to choose. There are people currently alive that can buy everything they would ever want without having to sacrifice other things.

But having to choose between a beautiful home in a wonderful neighborhood and a vacation to a faraway land is its own kind of wealth. Of course, both would be amazing. Of course part of me wishes I didn't have to choose.

On the other hand, I know this house is right for us because I was willing to choose it over so many alternatives. And if I hadn't chosen the house, it's not like I would be staying someplace unsafe or particularly inconvenient. Thinking this way helps me keep it in perspective when I see families choose to pay for travel sports teams instead of academic tutors, or when I see politicians choose to pay for war instead of infrastructure, or when corporations hire another executive at six figures instead of giving raises to rank and file employees, or when a state gives tax cuts to large businesses while its public school system literally rots.

It's easier to claim that one can't afford something than to admit that the resources were available but went elsewhere. 

The next time you think that you can't afford something, ask yourself if it in fact just isn't a priority right now. It's eye-opening what I've noticed I prioritize.