Best Holiday Accessory: Glowing Skin

Okay, so I don't normally post on cosmetics. But this is a lifestyle blog, and it's the holidays, and maybe something light is in order.

So here it goes: this year, I finally figured my skin out. Well, just the skin on my face, since I'm still working on the skin on other parts of me.

For years, I kind of told myself that having acne was a character-building exercise, part of life, part of being a woman, a way to prevent vanity. My acne, though, wasn't just unsightly. It was downright uncomfortable.

I tried all kinds of creams and cleansers, salicylic acid, Proactiv, clindamycin, etc. I bought into the idea that I had oily skin and I just had to live with it.

Then last winter I tried adapalene cream from a dermatologist, combined with City Girls Soap lotion and Juice Beauty Oil Free Moisturizer. Since I had to moisturize to get the adapalene to work, I started doing it regularly.

Turns out that maybe I don't have oily skin. Maybe it was actually dry and overcompensating. Turns out that better quality lotion produces better quality skin. Turns out that loving my skin and treating it gently, instead of punishing it with harsh acne treatments, was what I needed to get glowy skin.

Not only do I not have uncomfortable acne anymore, I have the glow I thought could never be mine, and along with it, the self-confidence to try a lot of other makeup trends. I'm down to just moisturizer morning and night (I like LUSH USA products, City Girls, and Juice Beauty), adapalene maybe once a week, and a tinted/highlighting moisturizer. Occasionally, I'll throw on a mask from LUSH USA as well if I think I need it. I dust on a coral bronzer and maybe a little eyeshadow.

No promises that it will work for anyone else, but I never would have believed that it would work for me. It's more convenient and comfortable than anything I've ever tried. I didn't think that getting my skin in shape would make me feel happier or more confident, but the integumentary system (AKA the skin) is an important part of the immune system, and it makes me feel good to know that I'm giving it what it needs.

Have you tried this or something similar? What do you think?

Christmas Post: Joseph Chose Love

The sermon at our church on Sunday was about Joseph, and I watched The Nativity Story last weekend. Both have me in a state of mind to consider the narrative behind Jesus' birth and the people involved - not as saints in a story that's been retold over and over, but as real people in a narrative that at the time didn't seem to have a happy ending.

Joseph chose love. He didn't understand; of course, the logical interpretation of Mary's pregnancy was that she had cheated. He could have publicly denounced her, clearing his own name of any perceived wrongdoing, and had her stoned to death.

This action would have killed the mother of our Savior; I'm unclear whether they would have waited until after she gave birth (I'm guessing they would have based on some Old Testament law). This could have drastically changed the narrative of grace and salvation, and it would have been a decision based on distrust of the assertions of his intended.

Instead of choosing punishment, his response was to divorce her quietly - to spare her life - and continue to listen to God. When he heard God speak, he didn't dismiss the message. He acted in love and grace in accordance with God's direction, even though I would posit that he did not feel his bewilderment completely lifted.

He chose grace and obedience to God. He chose to believe that Mary had kept her vow, been chosen by God for a great work, and that he had judged her correctly when Joseph chose her (likely for the same virtue for which God chose her) to be his wife. Joseph chose to raise Jesus, the savior of the world, as his own, and in so doing, take a more powerful place in history than he ever could have imagined.

I will not claim to be carrying the Christ child. In fact, it is difficult, given the Sunday school version of the Christmas story I'd been inculcated with, to see any parallels between Mary and my life. However, I have been accused of sexual wrongdoing, and some would argue that I should be publicly disgraced. In some parts of the world, I could be imprisoned or killed. And yet, although I no longer claim to have any idea what God has planned for me, other than to live a life of love and service, I know without a doubt that Rebecca is my helpmate in it. I know that the privilege that God has conferred upon me - the admittedly unmerited favor of intelligence, education, health, home, beauty, and so on - is for something.

I hope that some with the instinct to accuse me without understanding will recognize that I am still the woman of virtue they knew before I came out. I hope that they will consider that they may not know the full story. That what appears to them to be sin, based on custom and a shallow reading, may actual be a higher calling than anything I could have imagined. I hope that they will choose love and grace over punishment and disgrace, as Joseph did. Part of me wonders if some people always looked sideways at Mary and Jesus. I know that some people will probably always look sideways at me, even if my marriage is formalized nationwide, even if I'm an upstanding citizen, even if my hypothetical children grow up to be upstanding citizens too.

But I hope my legacy will be more than sideways glances or worrying what people think of me. I hope it will be one of obedience to the commandment to love God and love others, to sacrifice myself for my friends, to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. I hope I choose love.

Guest Post: Lesbian Engagement FAQ

Note: this is a guest post from my friend Kate Scheuber. As with my own posts, she is sharing her experience in an attempt to shed light on a complicated situation. Her comments ring true for me too in many ways. I hope my readers will show her lots of love and support.

"When you get engaged, you expect people to be excited for you.  After all, it means you finally found the person who has captured your heart so entirely that you can’t imagine your life without them.  Some people have been.  My brother and his wife immediately took us out to dinner to celebrate.  My fiance’s mother comes over all the time with wedding magazines she picks out specifically because there is a featured lesbian wedding in it.  My cousin who I almost never talk to messaged me to tell me how happy he was for us and that he knew my mom was looking down on me, smiling. My dad even went dress shopping with me.

Other reactions have not been quite as pleasant.  Some people mean well.  But even that comes with its own baggage.  My least favorite part is the questions.  I answer each one diplomatically.  It is incredibly difficult to do so.

When people ask me, “Did she get a ring, too?”, I answer, “Yes, she did.”  In my head, I am thinking, “No, we flipped a coin to see who wins the ring.  Because obviously there can only be one diamond ring in a relationship.”

When people ask, “Which one of you is wearing a suit?”, I answer, “We both are wearing dresses.”  In my head I am wanting to respond, “Not every lesbian couple is Ellen and Portia!”

When people say, “You do realize it is still illegal in Michigan for you two to get married, right?” I want to scream.  I answer “Yes, I do, but we are hoping that is changed before 2016.”  I hold my tongue and do not tell them that do not need to remind me that in the state I love, I am being denied the right to marry the person that I love.  I do not tell them that I feel they are accusing me of simply wanting a party and presents. 

We are choosing to get married in Michigan because that is where the majority of our friends and family reside.  We are choosing to get married in Michigan because we want to share it with them.  

Because that is what is happening on May 21, 2016.  I will be getting married to the love of my life.  Regardless of what some judge somewhere says.  I may not have the paper to prove it, but I will be married.""

Food Idea: Swiss Chard Curtido

Almost a year ago, I fell in love with curtido. It's sort of a pickled cabbage/cole slaw/salad dish, originally from El Salvador, used to top things like pupusas (a corn dough stuffed with cheese, meat, or other things and then fried kind of like a pancake). This seems to be El Salvador's answer to kimchi, sauerkraut, cole slaw, etc.

This summer, after receiving cabbage in my CSA share from Faith Farm in Detroit, I decided to try my own hand at it. I found this recipe for pupusas and curtido and pulled out my food processor. I followed it pretty carefully the first time, with great results. I took it to a picnic/potluck with a sign that said something like: Curtido (gluten free, vegan). People teased me for having labeled it, but it went over well.

I've toyed with it a little. Instead of the sugar, I run an apple through the food processor and toss it with everything else. If I don't have apple cider vinegar, I've used white balsamic with delicious results. It's pretty flexible as long as you keep the sweet/salty/sour/spicy balance going.

This week, our plan was to make fish tacos. I often make some kind of slaw for this using whatever I can find. This week, we already had Swiss chard (which, along with kale, is high in nutrients and affordable/available this time of year) in the fridge from a lentil soup last week, so I decided to see if I could lightly pickle it. Normally, I think of chard as for cooking, because it can be tough and a little bitter, so I got this going maybe an hour before I had to serve it so that the acid could break it down a little.

I grabbed a couple handfuls of chard (this turned out not to be nearly enough, since we ran out at dinner and I would have eaten this with a spoon for lunch tomorrow) and chopped them up pretty finely, then threw them in a bowl. In a separate bowl, I mixed one part oil to two parts pickled jalape~o juice (but you can use regular pickle juice, olive juice, white balsalmic, or lime juice) and two parts apple cider vinegar. I threw in a pinch of oregano and a fair amount of freshly ground black pepper. At this point, taste it and see what you think. You can adjust it if you need. When you like it, toss it with the chard. I also microplane grated two cloves of garlic and an apple (great this time of year because they're still a good price and available) and finely chopped two green onion stems. Toss everything and let it sit. I served it tonight over grilled salmon, and the brightness of the dressing and earthiness of the chard balanced the fattiness of the fish (and the smokiness from grilling) perfectly.

I think this basic strategy would also work with kale, although I'd probably let that sit a little longer first.

Enjoy!

Acknowledging Privilege: We Don't Pull the Ladder Up

Lately, there's been a lot in the news about White privilege, which has sparked discussions about other types of privilege and intersectionality (the idea that most of us have areas of privilege and non-privilege in our lives that come together to shape our opportunities and perceptions).

Regular readers of my blog are aware of the ways that my lack of straight privilege have produced challenges. I hope that you also realize from reading that I have many areas of privilege and am thankful for those advantages.

For instance, I went to a school system where our buildings were always clean and safe. I didn't fear physical violence or illness as a result of attending school. Some of my students cannot say that. In addition, I had certified teachers and was able to get classes I needed not only to graduate, but to get into a major research university with a great scholarship. I'm not saying I didn't work hard. I did. I was incredibly studious, read all the time, and joined many extracurricular activities. I worked part-time to save money.

But I didn't work part-time to pay for necessities. I didn't have to babysit younger siblings. I had parents to take me to the library, grandparents to buy magazine subscriptions, enough money to have instruments, uniforms, calculators, etc. I could have gone to a fancier, more prestigious district, perhaps. I have friends who did, and some have had better opportunities. Overall, though, I would argue that I was reasonably privileged economically and academically.

Someone once told me, "We don't pull the ladder up." I've thought about that often. He meant that when we reach our goals, have some advantages, get closer to the top, we continue to extend that opportunity to those behind us. I would expand that to mean that we try to work the ladder into a staircase when possible. Or a ramp. Or whatever the people behind us need to get equal opportunities.

Rebecca will say basically the same thing about med school. She had many of the same privileges I did, but compared to her med school peers, she was relatively underprivileged. Many more of them came from upper middle or upper class backgrounds, few were rural, few were LGBT. She's immensely grateful to the people who helped her get shadowing experiences, given that she has no family members that are medical professionals to book her to stand in for surgeries or consultations or the like. She's incredibly grateful to faculty members from her undergrad who not only gave her academic opportunities, but mentored and encouraged her to be a strong woman who prioritized loving people while using her gifts.

We have a friend now who is just amazing. She's a beautiful soul. I wish you could all meet her. She's applying to med school now, and comes from a relatively less advantaged background. We're working with her to get her applications in, to get her through the MCAT, to write her essays. We're not the most privileged, but we know people, and we know things now. I wouldn't do this if I didn't think she's qualified. But I don't want to pull the ladder up. I want to level the playing field.