Charlottesville: Are Tiki Torches Free Speech?

Let's talk about the difference between free speech and assembly and what happened in Charlottesville.

The Bill of Rights recognizes the right to free speech, which means that the government cannot arrest or detain someone simply because of something they said.

Freedom of assembly means that people with a mutual interest can gather without fear of legal action taken by the government.

Now let's talk about Charlottesville. Full disclaimer: I wasn't there. Most of the people commenting weren't.

BUT

Based on eyewitness testimony and the photographs that have become available, there were a LOT of TIKI torches. The manufacturer has already released a statement that they don't support the use of their product to foment racism.

Even more than that, I looked at the Product Safe Use guidelines published on the TIKI website because maybe I'm just paranoid, but it really didn't seem safe to me to be using TIKI torches this way. Turns out that I'm not paranoid.

For the bamboo torch, which appears to dominate the picture, here are some relevant instructions:

Use only in well-ventilated area. 

Do not use in windy conditions. 

Do not tip torch as fuel can spill and cause serious injury. 

Insert torch pole into ground minimum of 6” until secured. 

Do not place torch under covered shelter or umbrellas, near pedestrian traffic or combustibles such as wood structures, fuel, clothing or dry vegetation. 

 I am unfamiliar with Virginia fire code, so I can't say if the use of this many TIKI torches in this manner was illegal, although it seems like a possibility.

Some eyewitness accounts do state that it was difficult to breathe because of all of the smoke, which makes sense, since on another set of instructions, it recommends placing torches 6 to 8 feet apart, parameters which clearly weren't met during the march.

Let's stop pretending this was just a hypothetical idea or just free speech or just the right to assembly. This rally included a real threat to public safety, at a minimum in the form of a fire hazard.  

Many people in attendance also had pepper spray, which in some cases is subject to governmental regulation, and firearms, which are subject to governmental oversight as well (the second amendment is a separate issue that I've addressed elsewhere on this blog).

Free speech and freedom of assembly don't cancel out fire code, public safety, or laws regarding fire code. 

And more to the point, if the ideas are purely hypothetical, if it's just a belief system and a rally to honor history, why were torches necessary? Why bring firearms? Why carry pepper spray?

I cannot pretend this is normal.

I cannot say that I defend the rights of fellow US residents to behave in such a way.

I condemn White supremacy and the attempts of this group of White people to intimidate and threaten People of Color and those from Jewish and Muslim backgrounds. 

This is a call to my White readers to join me in exercising our own free speech and denouncing the beliefs and actions of White supremacists.

Independence Day in Trump's US: And Frederick Douglass is "Getting Recognized More and More"

It's a strange year to be celebrating US independence or reflecting on US history.

This is a year when the Bill of Rights is threatened by an administration that seems to lack a basic understanding of civics.

It's a year that we fear that a portion of our representatives will return from the July recess and vote on a bill that will remove access to healthcare from millions of people in the US, a decision guaranteed to cause unnecessary suffering and death.

 It's a year when the president said, during the first day of Black History Month:

"I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn about Reverend King, so many other things, Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice. Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, and millions more black Americans who made America what it is today. Big impact."

Frederick Douglass. Creative Commons.

Many people wrote excellent responses to the president's remark, so I won't endeavor to treat it in its entirety.

But on the Fourth of July, I want to share excerpts from the words of Frederick Douglass, as they are the only form of patriotism and history I can fully embrace this year (read "The Meaning of the Fourth of July for the Negro" in its entirety by clicking this link):

Fellow Citizens, I am not wanting in respect for the fathers of this republic. The signers of the Declaration of Independence were brave men. They were great men, too great enough to give frame to a great age. It does not often happen to a nation to raise, at one time, such a number of truly great men. The point from which I am compelled to view them is not, certainly, the most favorable; and yet I cannot contemplate their great deeds with less than admiration. They were statesmen, patriots and heroes, and for the good they did, and the principles they contended for, I will unite with you to honor their memory.... 

Fellow-citizens, pardon me, allow me to ask, why am I called upon to speak here to-day? What have I, or those I represent, to do with your national independence? Are the great principles of political freedom and of natural justice, embodied in that Declaration of Independence, extended to us? and am I, therefore, called upon to bring our humble offering to the national altar, and to confess the benefits and express devout gratitude for the blessings resulting from your independence to us?. . . .

But I fancy I hear some one of my audience say, "It is just in this circumstance that you and your brother abolitionists fail to make a favorable impression on the public mind. Would you argue more, and denounce less; would you persuade more, and rebuke less; your cause would be much more likely to succeed." But, I submit, where all is plain there is nothing to be argued. What point in the anti slavery creed would you have me argue? On what branch of the subject do the people of this country need light? Must I undertake to prove that the slave is a man? That point is conceded already. Nobody doubts it. The slaveholders themselves acknowledge it in the enactment of laws for their government. . . .

Would you have me argue that man is entitled to liberty? that he is the rightful owner of his own body? You have already declared it. Must I argue the wrongfulness of slavery? Is that a question for Republicans? Is it to be settled by the rules of logic and argumentation, as a matter beset with great difficulty, involving a doubtful application of the principle of justice, hard to be understood? How should I look to-day, in the presence of Americans, dividing, and subdividing a discourse, to show that men have a natural right to freedom? speaking of it relatively and positively, negatively and affirmatively. To do so, would be to make myself ridiculous, and to offer an insult to your understanding.-There is not a man beneath the canopy of heaven that does not know that slavery is wrong for him.

What, am I to argue that it is wrong to make men brutes, to rob them of their liberty, to work them without wages, to keep them ignorant of their relations to their fellow men, to beat them with sticks, to flay their flesh with the lash, to load their limbs with irons, to hunt them with dogs, to sell them at auction, to sunder their families, to knock out their teeth, to burn their flesh, to starve them into obedience and submission to their masters? Must I argue that a system thus marked with blood, and stained with pollution, is wrong? No! I will not. I have better employment for my time and strength than such arguments would imply.

What, then, remains to be argued? Is it that slavery is not divine; that God did not establish it; that our doctors of divinity are mistaken? There is blasphemy in the thought. That which is inhuman, cannot be divine! Who can reason on such a proposition? They that can, may; I cannot. The time for such argument is passed. . . .

What, to the American slave, is your 4th of July? I answer; a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciation of tyrants, brass fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are, to Him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy-a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of the United States, at this very hour.  

....Allow me to say, in conclusion, notwithstanding the dark picture I have this day presented, of the state of the nation, I do not despair of this country. There are forces in operation which must inevitably work the downfall of slavery. "The arm of the Lord is not shortened," and the doom of slavery is certain. I, therefore, leave off where I began, with hope. While drawing encouragement from "the Declaration of Independence," the great principles it contains, and the genius of American Institutions, my spirit is also cheered by the obvious tendencies of the age. Nations do not now stand in the same relation to each other that they did ages ago. No nation can now shut itself up from the surrounding world and trot round in the same old path of its fathers without interference.  (bolded emphasis added)


I offer this with no further commentary, other than to ask that today you reflect upon it.

A List of People More Qualified to Be Secretary of Education than Betsy DeVos

Betsy DeVos has never attended nor worked in a public school (for K-12 or college). She didn't send her children to one. She has no teaching certificate or degree related to education or policy. And yet Donald Trump has nominated her for Secretary of Education.

Therefore, I'm making a list of people I know that would be more qualified to be Secretary of Education:

1. My mother-in-law, a retired public school librarian
2. My father-in-law, a certified special education teacher (although he no longer works as an educator)
3. My aunt, a certified preschool teacher (although she no longer works as an educator)
4. A different aunt, a certified teacher who worked as a substitute teacher (although she no longer works as an educator)
5. My sister-in-law, a certified secondary social studies teacher who worked as a substitute teacher (although she no longer works as an educator)
6. My best friend, a certified English teacher at a public alternative school
7. All of the educators I've partnered with while providing ACT and SAT prep
8. Everyone who graduated from MSU's elementary education bachelor's program with me
9. Several friends and former students who entered public education through alternative certification programs like Teach for America
10. The parents I know who have done an excellent job homeschooling their children via participation in homeschooling networks
11. A former student who served on a public school board while he was still in high school
12. Every person in the MSU Higher, Adult, and Lifelong Education Ph.D. cohort that I was blessed to be part of for a year
13 (Baker's dozen). My sister, a certified Spanish, math, and ESL teacher who has never taught full-time in a public school but has subbed in many and attended public school for K-12 and her bachelor's

 Of course, there are also lots of people with Ph.D.s, political experience, and policy training who would be even more qualified than the people on this list.

We can do so much better.

If you agree, here's a list of phone numbers for the senators on the committee that must examine Betsy Devos' appointment before confirming it. Let's get the phones ringing off the hook.

An SAT Teacher Talks Immigration

Yesterday at a local low-income public high school where I teach SAT prep, we were discussing college class structure when a student asked me, "What's the point in preparing for college applications if Trump kicks my family out of the country?"

I asked him if he had been born here or gone through the citizenship process. He said that they became citizens a long time ago.

I told him that if he is a citizen, no one can make him leave.

That's currently true.

When I posted a condensed version of this story on facebook, one person commented that if he's a naturalized citizen, he has "nothing to fear!!!!" (emphasis added, exclamation marks original).

It isn't his job as a child to know the intricacies of immigration law, nor is it unreasonable that my student took the president-elect of an industrialized country at his word.

I'm not sure what religion this student's family follows, but he may well be Muslim. I told him that he can't be deported, but given other recent events, here are possible concerns:

• He could be pushed or roughed up in public spaces (happened to a friend who looks much like this student).
• The female members of his family could be threatened in public spaces (for instance, in Ann Arbor, someone threatened to light a hijabi woman on fire).
• His place of worship could be attacked or monitored.
• Any of these racist/bigoted events that have happened in Michigan just since the election results were announced.

It remains to be seen whether religious minorities will be forced to register or undergo extra surveillance. 

So there is much to fear for his family (just as there is for mine even though it isn't possible for my marriage to be invalidated), even though he cannot be deported. 

I have felt often lately that there isn't much I can do, but in his case, that isn't true. I can teach him to get a strong SAT score and give him the resources to get into a good university with scholarships. I can help to provide him a pathway to the education and financial stability to support his family no matter where he ends up.

I cannot pretend that going forward, life will be business as usual or that this presidency will be normal. It isn't in my job description to advise students whether they will be deported between taking the SAT and finishing a bachelor's degree*. It isn't normal. Citizens should be able to set a five year plan without considering political volatility. 

 This isn't the last I have to say about the uncertainties this election and presidency create for the youth. In fact, this is a tiny excerpt from one day full of statements that I made that are currently true that may not be true down the line that I'd like to examine. 

I will end with a quote from Autocracy: Rules for Survival. 

"Believe the autocrat. He means what he says. Whenever you find yourself thinking, or hear others claiming, that he is exaggerating, that is our innate tendency to reach for a rationalization. This will happen often: humans seem to have evolved to practice denial when confronted publicly with the unacceptable." ~Masha Gessen

*My comment to the student and comments in this post in general should not be construed as legal advice. I am not qualified to provide that. This blog provides observations and commentary only.

Confessions and an Invitation

When I woke up today, the first thing Rebecca told me was that Trump had won and the Republicans had taken Congress.

And I looked at her, and I said, "Trump has promised to pass FADA [the First Amendment Defense Act - essentially a nationwide RFRA like Indiana's], and he has the Congress to actually do it."

Make no mistake. This isn't an attempt to protect the first amendment. We already have the first amendment. There's no need to pile on or protect. The very language of FADA excludes my family. Mine. Rebecca and me. As in, it does nothing to protect us or our religion or our free speech.

And now I'm sitting in my living room under a blanket writing this. I'm staring at my dining room table where, just a couple days ago, people from multiple religions, races, socioeconomic statuses, and ages sat drinking cider and eating doughnuts. I wish more people had the chance to sit with such diverse groups (and took it).

I am scared. I am grief-stricken.

But I will keep looking at my dining room table that can comfortably seat 12 (and more if they like each other). I will keep my commitment to filling its seats, covering it in homemade dishes, and bringing people together in a safe space. We've dreamed of hosting a Sunday dinner, every week, for anyone who would come and abide in acceptance and love.

I will start this Sunday. I hadn't planned to do it so soon, but we need it now. Please message me if you're interested in participating in a potluck to share the love and share the food.

When I have more than I need, I commit to building a longer table, not a higher fence.

White People: When you say "All Lives Matter"

I should have posted about #blacklivesmatter much sooner.

I've been reading the articles, following the social media threads, trying to understand the movement, and overall attempting, though not as much as I should, to amplify the voices of my African-American friends.

In the process, I have had a few people post on my social media feed that I should be saying "all lives matter," not "Black lives matter."

It was jarring. Especially the day that I posted that Black lives matter because there had been two shootings of black men by police officers it in the 24 hours, and I wanted my Black friends to know that someone cares. Especially because there seems to be a lot of anger and resentment and almost hatred toward the Black community for even saying that there was an injustice.

But here's the really disturbing thing I realized: when White people say "all lives matter" in response to "Black lives matter," they're NOT actually encompassing Black lives in that statement, no matter how much they think they are. If they were including Black lives, they wouldn't really need to say it because no one else said that White lives DON'T matter (there are lots and lots of articles explaining this - I don't need to add to them). What "all lives matter"  really says is, "no, you're wrong. I'm correcting you.

Black lives don't matter. All lives matter. All lives except Black lives matter."

This insistence on correction, on steamrolling, results in an attempt to replace reality. It's as though White people are saying, "black people don't know what they're talking about. They are unqualified to make statements like this. Let me fix this for them and tell them what they really think, what they really feel, what they really know about an issue that primarily affects them."

And the really sad part about all of this is that I am confident that when I post this to social media, the comments thread will continue to do this. It will say things like "no, you really aren't understanding me. Blacks really are wrong, and so are you. Let me just explain 'all lives matter' to you one more time, slowly, and you will see that I am correct and you were wrong." And the implicit result is that it's wrong that Black lives matter.

I haven't posted because I had the luxury not to debate this, just as straight people have the privilege of not justifying their marriages over and over. But White people, we need to do better. We need to think harder. We need to acknowledge that we don't know everything, and especially on this, we don't know more than the Black community.

Black lives matter.

Mississippi on my Mind

Friends, we recently celebrated the end of state-wide bans on same-sex couples adopting children. Mississippi's ban was overturned, in a victory that will help many children find forever homes.

Those who are not as cynical as I rejoiced.

I hoped for the best. But I knew that the pipeline contained a lot of setbacks, given that there has been an agenda, ever since the Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality, to restrict rights to gay couples as much as possible.

Less than a week after the end of state-wide adoption bans, Mississippi passed one of the most devastatingly homophobic, discriminatory, bigoted, harmful bills into law that the United States has ever seen. It allows medical providers to refuse certain services to LGBT members of the community. It allows state officials to refuse to license marriages, even when it is their job to do so (see my article from when Kim Davis made this a thing). It intensifies housing discrimination.

And it likely means that adoption agencies will discriminate against LGBT applicants, meaning that the state will return to a de facto same sex adoption ban, given this language in the version signed by the governor:

The state government shall not take any discriminatory action against a religious organization that advertises, provides or facilitates adoption or foster care, wholly or partially on the basis that such organization has provided or declined to provide any adoption or foster care service, or related service, based upon or in a manner consistent with a sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction described in Section 2 of this act.

I can't speak for the LGBT community in Mississippi, so I don't know how they feel about being refused service at restaurants or florists.

Here is what I can tell you.

Children with special needs are overwhelmingly stuck in the foster care system and group homes in the United States. When they are adopted, they are much more likely to find a forever home with a same-sex couple. So are children above the age of six. So are ethnic and racial minority children. Straight couples generally* do not prefer to adopt children from these backgrounds. Preventing gay couples from adopting hurts those couples - but it hurts these vulnerable children waiting for families more.

Rebecca and I are not interested in visiting a place where we could be refused service at a lunch counter, or where the legislature and governor are more interested in protecting discrimination than finding homes for their children.

In fact, yesterday, Rebecca vowed never to set foot in Mississippi, even en route to someplace else. I wish I could say that Michigan is substantially better, but my home state seems to be in a race to the bottom right now.

*Yes, I know people who are anomalies here, and I'm sure you do too. Of course, one possible solution would be for all straight people to adopt special needs children so that there are none left for the gay couples to need to adopt. This isn't happening and is unlikely to start, though I would be thrilled to see many of my straight couple friends consider adopting out of the foster care system.

Confessions: #transdayofscreaming & I was quiet

I've done well at this #nanowrimo challenge so far - written every day, with a fair amount of length, and I think most of the posts have been solid. But I missed yesterday. I started it, and then some impostor syndrome crept in - the feeling that I"m unqualified to be writing for public consumption, the belief that I don't have something worthwhile to say.

And on trans issues, I feel that way especially, because I'm not trans, and while I'm blessed to love and be loved by a few people who are trans, it's not my story to tell. And yet some of my readers may not have someone out and trans around them to hear the story. They may not be reading the news articles I see or the commentary I sift through. Yesterday was the #transdayofscreaming and I want to somehow amplify and honor those voices.

And so, instead of a post, let me share a list with you. A list of unlawfully killed trans people from this year alone (taken from Wikipedia - which yes, I know may be considered slightly unreliable, but then, gathering this kind of data is tricky and may never be complete).

• Papi Edwards
• Lamia Beard
• Ty Underwood
• Yazmin Vash Payne
• Taja DeJesus
• Penny Proud
• Bri Golec
• Kristina Gomez Reinwald
• Sumaya Dalmar
• Keyshia Blige
• Vanessa Santillan
• Mya Hall
• London Chanel
• Mercedes Williamson
• Jasmine Collins
• Ashton O'Hara
• India Clarke
• K.C. Haggard
• Shade Schuler
• Amber Monroe
• Kandis Capri
• Elisha Walker‍ 
• Tamara Dominguez
• Fernanda 'Coty' Olmos
• Kiesha Jenkins
• Marcela Estafania Chocobar
• Amancay Diane Sacayán
• Zella Ziona

 I've supplied the link to the Wikipedia document, which has information about each of these people, and I hope you will read their stories. I wish you could hear their stories from their own lips. I wish we lived in a world where the LGBT community, and particularly the trans community, lives in well-placed fear of violence and hate crimes. That is not the world we live in.

But that's why I'm Committing in the Mitten. Will you commit with me?

Dear Ben Carson: Who's a Homophobe if You're Not One?

I stirred up a lot of controversy with my post Speaking the Truth in Love, about those who deny their bigotry while insisting that the LGBT community should have fewer rights than everyone else. In it, I assert that people believe

• "that it's not possible for "nice" people to be bigoted..." but "if you believe that discriminating against people based on their presence in any minority group is okay, particularly if you believe that solely because you cannot imagine the world otherwise, you are a bigot....the honest thing to do here is for you to acknowledge that your position is prejudiced. The honest reaction is that you prefer to be prejudiced and accept the label of bigot/homophobe."

So I'm calling Dr. Ben Carson out as a homophobe and asking him -

Who is a homophobe, if you are not? What is homophobia, if you personally do not espouse it? Is the only way to be a homophobe to actively physically assault members of the LGBT community? Or to support imprisoning them/killing them? 

Don't believe me that he is a bigot? Read this and tell me if he could be otherwise:

• “Obviously you don’t understand my views on homosexuality. I believe our Constitution protects everybody regardless of their sexual orientation or any other aspect. I also believe marriage is between one man and one woman. There is no reason you can’t be perfectly fair to the gay community.” 
• “They shouldn’t automatically assume that because you believe that marriage is between one man and one woman that you are a homophobe. This is one of the myths that the left perpetrates on our society and this is how they frighten people and get people to shut up. That’s what the P.C. culture is all about and it’s destroying this nation.”
• Also, Carson signed the National Organization for Marriage’s presidential pledge, which demands support for a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, the reversal of any policy that recognizes same-sex couple’s marriages, 

• and the end to any nondiscrimination protections for LGBT people. 

(this is all cited from a Think Progress article about Ben Carson's views of non-straight sexual orientations). 

Advocating the removal of rights from gay people via creative legislation is bigotry, especially now that the Supreme Court has ruled. Believing that people should be fired solely for being (or even just seeming) gay is bigotry. Believing that people should be denied housing simply for being gay is bigotry.

As I have already said, I don't hate bigots, but I do have a problem with the bigoted lifestyle.

And I don't think bigots should get to represent or lead groups they are trying to hurt.

Luxury of Believing We Couldn't Lose my Brother

I thought, after my brother's death, that it wasn't preventable, that there was nothing we could do and nothing we could say, and nothing anyone could have done to save him. That it was his time. None of us thought that he would commit suicide. None of us truly, in our hearts, believed that it was possible that we could be living without him.

And I thought, no family could possibly anticipate this. No family could anticipate that their son would be dead. No one could possibly live in fear of that and go on, given what I know about how awful it is to go on when something like that happens.

And then I read about Tamir Rice. About Sandra Bland. About Trayvon Martin. Mike Brown. Amber Monroe. About so many more. I read an article about a woman validating her right to be an "angry Black woman." And I read about African-American families instructing their  children how to behave with the police. How not to be pulled over, because if they are anything could happen and they could be anticipating a life without their children. I read about teaching these children, often so so much younger than my brother was, how to behave in this world that  treats them like they are not people, and I think, that 

these people do anticipate something awful happening. 

Even when it shouldn't, they live with one hand in the idea that something bad could happen. That they must take precautions. And even with those precautions, bad things keep happening, and they keep being blamed. The victims keep being blamed despite everything they have been doing to avoid this. And I think, my readers, my dear readers, how awful it must be to live in a situation where one anticipated that this might happen, aware that they may have to live without their brother, dear sister, their father, their best friends, their loved one, and they did what they could to prevent it, because they believed that it could happen, and they were not successful, and then the mainstream media, the White patriarchy blamed them. 

Whites maligned them, treated them like entertainment, like a news story, treated them like any sin they ever committed justified this death.

Whites watch them struggle to survive waking up every day into their worst nightmare and instead of doing something to stop one more family from having to live through this destruction, society makes it worse.

And I think, what a privilege that we never had to assume something bad might happen to him. What a privilege that in his death, one that might've been filled with rumors, or judgments, given some of the circumstances, everyone said lovely things about him and told us the wonderful stories and we were filled with the happy memories of his life, and every transgression ever attributed to him was set aside for that time. That should not be a privilege. I wish for us that we had believed we might really lose him. Maybe, now, I think that there is a reality somewhere where everything is different and a million tiny things added up means that he survived and thrived, but that if he didn't at least we would have hugged him a little more, called more often, treasured him more.

I wish for others, though, that the world would view the death as a tragedy. My brother's death may not have been preventable, but Trayvon Martin's and Mike Brown's, Sandra Bland's, Amber Monroe's, so many other's deaths were. Their families suffer untold pain on top of what I know. Every family that loses someone too early carries the pain, the emptiness, the loneliness that I know. And they suffer with the knowledge that there is a reality somewhere where everything is different and a million tiny things added up means that their loved one survived and thrived.

And this is why I call for improved gun policy, for better mental health care, for racial justice, an end to transphobia and homophobia. Because to me, it's not just a philosophical argument or a principle. It's not just a slight increase in my tax rate. It's life or death for many. It's joy or suffering for families not so different from mine. 

Mass Shootings are NOT Inevitable: I Refuse to Do Nothing

I was hoping my thoughts on the Charleston shooting were enough on this subject, but they're clearly not, since more keep swirling around, mostly coming up as people post fatalistic commentary on social media, basically saying that

These lives were the price we pay for the second amendment.

Some of you at this point are anticipating that I'm going to get really sassy.

For those who aren't yet: I'm about to get really sassy.

As regular readers know, I believe that we can learn from Jesus' choice never to be caught in a dilemma. Therefore: It's a bad option to ban guns entirely.

It's a worse option to keep doing what we're doing.

We shouldn't choose either. We should reject bad options and look for evidence-based strategies to protect our citizens. Because no more families should have to learn what it is to live without their husband/brother/son/mother/niece/wife/cousin/etc. And we shouldn't trample our Constitution (though I have to say, the 3/5 compromise was an incredibly stupid, cruel, demeaning choice and I'm glad we don't follow it anymore - if you need a refresher and can't Google, here is the Wikipedia article on the 3/5 compromise - so unless you would like to argue that there is a way for a human to be 3/5 of a person, don't try to convince me the Constitution was perfect as written).

Don't get me started on the mental health crap. If people were really concerned about that after Columbine or Virginia Tech or any number of other shootings, you would have done something. And my beautiful brother (who never hurt anyone in his life, just like the vast majority of others with mental illness) might have benefited from your mental health reform (because presumably it would have done more than just prevent mass shootings, it also may have prevented suicide and suffering)

and I might have gotten to hug him today when my purchase agreement went through

 instead of wondering what he would have said. But you're not really concerned, because you haven't done anything, because your family hasn't been affected by either a gun-related or mental health tragedy, and you're willing to keep playing the odds that you won't be. And I've tried to see both sides. I've tried to be understanding. I know a lot of responsible gun owners - they lock up their ammo, don't store firearms loaded, use their weapons for hunting, don't point their weapons at anything they don't want to shoot, etc.

But I know a couple that aren't stable. I know a friend whose teenage nephew committed suicide using his father's gun. And I know that we've been seeing these shootings increase, not level off or decrease. So we're clearly doing something wrong.

I don't have the answers for the perfect solution, but what Norway or Australia does seems like something to consider. Funding public health research on the subject doesn't violate anyone's constitutional rights. Enforcing and highly penalizing sale of guns to known criminals seems worthwhile. Because while it's not in the Bill of Rights, here's something that should be:

The right to have one's loved ones alive and thriving as long as possible.

Anyone in for an amendment?

Christina Stands with PP: Preemie's Mom Shares

Edit: This post is a follow-up to Confessions: I'm Not Pro-Life Anymore and  Dr. Rebecca Talks Abortion .

Two and a half years ago, I had a baby, and that changed my stance on abortion for good. While most people would not think of giving birth as a reason to desire to advocate for the ability to terminate pregnancy, my case was different. My sweet daughter was born early, very early--14 weeks early to be exact-- and for that, I had to spend 90 days in the highest level of Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, or NICU at Texas Children’s Hospital. I saw what is required to keep a 26 week old baby alive. Seeing the extensive medical care that many children with various complications from birth required was a key moment in my decision to be pro-women’s health rights, pro-proper sex education, and ultimately pro-choice. Recent photos of “aborted fetuses” posted by pro-life people on Facebook have been emotional triggers to me, in that most of them aren’t actual aborted fetuses, but premature babies. 

Hazel, as a tiny preemie - you should see her now!

That, and some introspection inspired me to share my feelings about how we, as a nation of people who should want to care for our women and children, could realistically handle the issue of abortion.

Abortion will never go away. There is no way to outlaw all abortions; we can only outlaw safe abortions. The only way to reduce the amount of abortions that happen is to give women proper education, affordable contraception, and other screening tools. Even as someone who is pro-choice, I support reducing any amount of medical intervention, such as abortion, by providing ways to mitigate the need for it. It is important that we are able to provide the least invasive medical intervention while still providing the bodily autonomy that all people deserve. Do you know who provides these things and other life-saving services? Planned Parenthood. It is imperative that we reflect and take a realistic view of the world. The only way to reduce the quantity of abortions is to give people quality tools to do so. That I why stand with Planned Parenthood.

I Taught an Ahmed: Please Don't Detain Them

I need you to hear this. I have taught students just like the Ahmed in Texas who was detained for building a clock and bringing it to school.

They are from South Asia, or Southwest Asia, or other parts of the world. Their skin was not White. They had names that you may have never heard before (though their names were not really Ahmed - apologies for the click-bait headline). Their first languages are not English.

And my Ahmeds are brilliant. They are on their school robotics teams. They want to be business people, doctors, pharmacist, engineers, and they are everything right with the United States. They demonstrate innovation, creativity, integrity, perseverance, and resourcefulness. Whether their robotics teams are well-resourced or running on shoestrings, they are showing up after or before school hours to work on projects involving math and science. Some of them would come to my office hours or e-mail me between class sessions for extra help.

In a time of a much hand-wringing about students who cannot do math and science, or students who don't care about school, my Ahmeds prove to me that at least to some students are being served by the United States school system and some Millenials have society's interests at heart (see my post In Defense of Millenials for more on that). They prove that our labor force can and will fill the skilled positions that we've had difficulty staffing.

So I am asking: do not detain my Ahmeds. Do not delay them. Do not hold them back from their dreams and their goals. Because my dream, my goal is to see my Ahmeds change the world.

I'm Asking: Please Stop Slut Shaming Kim Davis

As a member of the community the Rowan county clerk seeks to oppress, and as someone who in fact has a marriage certificate not from her home county or even state because of similar oppression, I ask, please: stop slut shaming Kim Davis. At issue is not her past sexual history, but her current refusal to do her job.

If she were the perfect picture of chastity according to her religion and every religion, what she is doing would still be illegal and immoral. If having made one or three or four or seven mistakes prevented any of us from having sincere religious beliefs, I suspect all places of worship would be empty. Kim Davis is entitled to her past, to her current religious beliefs, and to the belief that the deity she worships has forgiven her. None of that is the issue. 

And while I have only ever been with my wife, if I hadn't, that would not invalidate my request for a marriage license. The law doesn't require chastity. And the law doesn't rely on religion. And Kim Davis is not required by law to remain county clerk, nor is she entitled to remain county clerk by right if she is unwilling or unable to complete the tasks required. 

She deserves jail time and fines for contempt, but her sexual history does not condemn her. Neither does mine. Neither does yours.

So stop slut shaming her, friends. Let's commit to being better.

The Best Weatherperson I Know: Ron Hilliard, America's Meteorologist

I know some of my posts lately have been on the heavy side. Life is heavy, but not everything is falling apart. I want to share something I’ve been treasuring lately.

In recent weeks, a very bright spot for me has been watching a friend from back in college pursue his dreams, incrementally but relentlessly. I met Ron Hilliard in a multicultural group and then had the joy of seeing him when we were both studying abroad in Mexico. We've been in and out of touch, but most of the times I've seen him over the last ten years, something has been evident:

He wants to be a meteorologist.

Whether it was studying science, improving his Spanish, working for a local cable station, or attending Specs Howard, his life has persisted in that trend. He has kept his eyes on the prize. And although I have not seen the day-to-day reality, I get the feeling it’s been hard for him, some days very hard. But he persisted in the joy of his goal and of helping others in ways he’s uniquely gifted to.

Now his talents have been recognized - he'll be appearing in a reality TV show, America's Next Weatherman. (I wish it were “Next Weatherperson - there will be female candidates, and screw the gender binary.) It sounds hilarious - and it's on Funny or Die - so if it's on Hulu Plus, I'll be watching.  He may win. He may not. Either way, I know that he's going to continue on this path and that he will reach his goal eventually.

His story has been on my mind for a while, perhaps because it gives me so much hope for the rest of us. This has taken a long time, and he's done a lot of things that aren't glamorous, and that road might not be over, but it's progress. Couldn't we all keep a story like that in our hearts for a cold day?

I hope you will join me in viewing this show and supporting a native Michigander as he embarks on this journey. You can like his pages on social media and share his work with others.

Funny Or Die Presents America’s Next Weatherman premieres on TBS Saturday, August 8 at 11 p.m. ET/PT. Rated TV-14-DL.

Confessions: I Can't Handle Regular Public School Teaching, SO In Defense of: K-12 Teachers and Teaching

Teachers and educational policy have been in the news quite frequently lately. I'm sure I see more of it than the average person because I have so many friends who are teachers, but the rest of you must be hearing too about the impending teacher shortage, shrinking wages and benefits, and often deplorable working conditions. Some of you have already spoken about your concerns about Common Core. 

Some of you may still believe that teachers unions are deeply problematic - and I'm not claiming they're perfect. Some of you may believe that teachers are overpaid, that their summer breaks justify near-poverty wages, that charter schools should continue paying hourly wages instead of salaries and finding loopholes to deny benefits.

I flat out disagree. And here's why:

I can't do it. I've gotten feedback from many people at this point that I'm a gifted teacher, and I've been fortunate to go through quite a bit of rigorous training, between my BAs, MA, and employer-based training. I've been educating people for more than 15 years now in some capacity or another, with ages ranging from 3 to grad school. 

And I can't handle public school teaching. I think about returning, about finding an alternative path to certification, about getting my hands into an urban classroom. My heart hurts to admit that, as there were parts of public education I deeply love, and part of me will always miss it. 

But I like clean facilities. I like bathroom breaks. I like manageable class sizes that don't make my throat raw and ears hurt from ambient noise. I like enough space for all my students, having supplies, making my own schedule. I like some autonomy as long as I keep getting results and act as a professional. I like generally being paid what I'm worth. I hate being micromanaged. And every time I think about returning to full-time work in a public school, I know that I will face these problems. Especially in the schools that are currently hiring (because the shortages will stay in high-need, high-poverty districts). 

I don't see any end in sight to these working conditions - in fact, I expect they'll get worse before they get better. I haven't ruled out a return - I'm monitoring the situation and hope someday I'll feel safe applying for positions. I found deep joy in forming relationships with my students - still do. But as I've written before, teaching and loving involve a great risk, and I can't separate the two and still do the good work I take pride in. So I wait. I hope. I pray.

In the meantime, I support pay raises and contracts for teachers (maybe not tenure for life, but at least multi-year agreements with their districts). I support funding to public schools that reduces instead of exacerbating disparities. I encourage proper working conditions and staffing levels for support staff, too.


I have utmost respect for teachers. I wouldn't be who I am without them. I don't blame them for leaving the field in record numbers for a variety of reasons. I will re-assert, though, that I cannot rejoin their ranks right now in the capacity that I feel would do the most good. So I'm doing the second-most good and defending those who do what I can't.

I hope my readers will do the same.

We Hate Standardized Tests: Let's Stop Hand-Wringing and Start Acting

Given my line of work, I have a LOT of conversations about standardized testing, both when I'm working and in general. Particularly given the huge change looming in the SAT/PSAT and Michigan's switch to that test from the ACT, this has been on the forefront of many minds. Students. Parents. Administrators. Teachers. Aunts. Grandpas. Siblings. Family friends.

And the refrain I hear, and fair enough, is that we hate this. We hate it. We hate watching our children be reduced to bubble grids and composite numbers and GPAs, as though an actuary is about to calculate the risk/reward associated with their entire life (but basically, that's what's happening). For people who have ample resources, it's a strain still on the emotional well-being. Students get very overloaded, as I've discussed in my post in defense of millenials and discussion of a student suicide. For families with adequate but not generous resources, things can be even worse, as they decide how much to expend getting their child accepted to college versus how much to have available to help pay for it.

Then there's the group that breaks my heart. The group that didn't have the resources before these tests became overemphasized and test prep became a necessity for so many, and was just scraping by at that point. The group that realizes (or sometimes doesn't) that they're competing against so much more than their child's effort or innate intelligence.

Say what you will, quote the stats that you will. I know a lot of test prep doesn't work. I also know that I can raise the score of any student that is willing to do what we talk about, if I'm given enough time with her/him. In some cases, that helps students get into their dream schools, but in others, it ends up ensuring that they get accepted anywhere decent - that they don't go to a community college or online degree mill. And that's one fewer seat at a decent school for the group living in subsistence who can't pay me.

The quickest, most disruptive solution would be for every high school student to immediately stop doing any test prep and to refuse to sit for the exams. In a system like that, colleges would face very hard decisions - whether to accept applications they feel are incomplete, or to leave their freshman classes empty. The problem with this plan is that it jeopardizes the very students I'm trying to protect. So we can't really do that.

How can we send a clear message to admissions offices without ruining higher educational/career paths in a system that will maintain credentialism for some time to come?

Here are some options:

1. Support colleges that have gone test optional.

A growing number of colleges are making the submission of test scores optional. Most are small, private schools - they vary in quality, though some are quite good (think Kalamazoo College in Kalamazoo, MI and George Washington University in Washington, DC). I'm a firm believer that most students can find at least a backup school in this group, and in some cases may be surprised at how well they would fit at one.

Sending a flood of applications to these schools that allows them to pick the strongest freshman class possible will affirm this decision and inform other colleges considering this move that it will enhance their choices, not limit them. This is a win-win - students get their whole application and whole selves considered, and colleges are rewarded for doing what I will assert is the right thing.

2. Encourage your alma mater to go test optional, or at least to de-emphasize testing.

 

If you are currently a donor to any higher educational institutions, or are considering it, compose an e-mail to University Development sharing your concerns about the use of testing in admissions and scholarships. Choose endowments that don't use test scores or that use them only as a very small part of the decision.

If you are able, join a scholarship committee and push to look at other parts of the application, or volunteer to do admissions interviews for applicants in your geographic region. One reason admissions at many schools uses test scores so much is that it is a quick way to make a decision and feels objective - many offices are overwhelmed and need the ability to essentially reduce the number of applications to examine thoroughly.

3. Support the youth in your life who don't test well by affirming their other accomplishments and advocating for them. 

As I mentioned above, many students feel reduced to numbers. I ask them what they like to do, and based on their ACT/SAT score, they may tell me that they "aren't good" at a subject, when in fact they may even be obtaining proficient scores that are simply lower than their friends' averages.  Some of them have simple anxiety issues, so keeping them calm and reminding them of your unconditional love and support can make a bigger difference than you realize in their high school years (and even their test scores).


This won't change overnight, but it has to change eventually, and there are steps we can take to move it along. Let's band together to shift the focus back toward students as people.

MI Love and MI Joy: Marriage Equality and I Don't Know How to Feel

I don't have to tell you the news - it's been around the world twice already.

But I will, because I can't stop smiling, like pretty much with a dopey-faced grin (and this from someone whose resting face is a smize).

The Supreme Court ruled that I am a person. That I have rights. That my marriage is legal. That my commitment means something. That the state I love, the one in which I grew up, the one in which I live now, will recognize my commitment.

For those of you wondering exactly what this means, I'm not completely sure yet how it will all shake out, but a few clarifications.

• Rebecca and I already have a legal marriage certificate, so we don't have to get married again - we'll likely just need to present the California certificate to the Michigan Secretary of State.
• Although I do not have to get married again, I will accept gifts of champagne, cake, luxury sheets and towels, cash, check, and chocolate covered strawberries.
• My taxes, both state and federal, can now be filed as "married!" (For 2014, federal was married but state was single.)
• In terms of changing other documentation with the state of Michigan, I will probably have to wait a few weeks while they retrain Secretary of State employees on the policies that now represent equality and inclusion to a much greater degree.

Beautiful readers, things are not perfect yet, but today, I want to bask in how much better they have become. I want to stand in the sunlight and cry happy tears. I want to rejoice that although I don't feel any differently, because in my heart I have been married to my beloved for more than three years, now the government sees me as I feel. I glow with radiance to think of the families who will be able to better protect their biological and adopted children because their marriages are equal.

Today, I choose to focus on love, joy and equality. And I will share with you a verse that is on my heart:

The fruit of the Holy Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control. ~ Galatians 5:22

Pray for Charleston: I thought my heart couldn't break any more

I found out about Charleston first thing when I woke this morning, via an AP Mobile push notification.

My day didn't go well. At first, I thought I was being my normal amount of scatterbrained self. Running a little late, dropping things here and there, struggling to stay organized - it happens, sometimes.

At some point, I realized that it wasn't just that.

I was mourning. I'm still mourning.

I'm mourning:

The loss of 9 beautiful lives in Charleston
The loss of hope and innocence of so many more
The fact that I live in a country where this kind of hate crime still happens
The hateful bigotry put forth by the Michigan House in regards to LGBT marriage and the marriages of atheists
The loss of what used to feel like a place of sanctuary, at a local place of worship
The fact that on a day I was hoping SCOTUS would finally grant my family equality, not only did it not, but I woke up to a reminder of how much inequality remains in our society

Maybe I'm not supposed to let the African American civil rights movement and the LGBT civil rights movement get intertwined. I may lose readers from insisting that they're connected, that forbidding interracial marriage was no worse than forbidding same sex marriage. (Or maybe it's straight privilege to ignore intersectionality, to try to say that some are free while others are in chains.)

I may lose readers for saying that many people, bigots, politicians, select members of the clergy, and myriad others, have set the stage for this violence by allowing the belief that some lives are worth more than others, that some beliefs are more important than others, that gun rights are more important than public safety, that Christian fundamentalism is more important than my spiritual marriage covenant. The RFRAs going around have given an air of credibility and validity to discriminatory beliefs like these.

I have tried to be reasonable, to see the other side, to find middle ground, to strike you all as moderate, as wholesome, as proper and respectable and rational. Some days, I may even have succeeded.

This is not one of these days.

I am angry.
I don't care if I anger you when I say that I wish I weren't from the United States today.
I don't care if I offend you when I say that I'm ashamed to be from Michigan today.

Your outrage can't hurt more than the damage this bigotry, against this AME community in Charleston but also against my LGBT community in Michigan, already has.

I know this is not a cogent post. What has happened today wasn't cogent. I am not cogent. I don't know how to make you hear me. I don't know how to show you my heart, torn into pieces though it is. I don't know how to share with you my pain, my discouragement, my sorrow. I don't know what to do to make this stop. I'm Committing in the Mitten, though I'm not sure exactly what I'm committing to yet.

Baltimore, Wedding Cake, and Heartache

Dear readers,

The last few days have been highly emotional ones.

The demonstrators in Baltimore have brought to light even more oppression in the United States, and at the same time, a select few people have further damaged a city that was already struggling.

The Supreme Court has heard oral arguments on marriage equality. Issues of religious liberty continue to spark explosive debates about the balance of following the legal system in place in a nation while expressing one's religion freely - and this will not be decided by the outcome of the marriage equality case in front of them. In addition, I've been continuing to see, or perhaps even seeing more of, discussions justifying reparative therapy and putting forth the notion that it's possible to "pray away the gay," framed as though this and many other cliches are not tired repetitions of the same harmful notions that have caused the suicide, substance abuse, and despair of so many whose prayers weren't answered.

I don't have answers for this. Every time I think I have a knot untangled, I realize that one of the loops was actually ensnared in a bigger knot. But I have seen a small glimmer of hope packaged in a Facebook thread, so I'd like to share it with you. I think that it exemplifies many of principles I had hoped for in my post about bringing civility to online discussions. I'm going to share it with you with the names redacted to initials (if you were involved in this thread and would like your full name included, let me know):

My initial post:
"I have no good words for today. My heart hurts to see the ‪#‎baltimore‬ ‪#‎blacklivesmatter‬ push for equality when I selfishly want 24/7 coverage of ‪#‎lovemustwin‬ ‪#‎scotus‬ ‪#‎marriageequality‬ because the outcome of that benefits me. My heart hurts to see how slowly we're arcing toward justice. Let's join together to pray for equality and peace, beloved humans."

Response from L:
"It's not selfish when you're fighting for equality as well. It's sad that the rioters are getting more attention than the other 10,000 peaceful #blacklivesmatter protestors. Your battle matters as much as theirs, even though theirs is different because of recent events that have unfolded. Keep fighting for human equality and never think you're selfish about it, because you're not a selfish person."

My response:
"Although I'm obviously not rioting, and I don't support violence, I understand how they feel. They have peacefully protested for decades, tried to get the right to vote to change things, have tried the things that society tells them to do, and have seen little, or even no, progress. I'm hopeful, because marriage equality is in the courts and following procedure and may get recognition legally, but I'm fed up after just a few years in this fight."

Response from L:
"It sucks because violence doesn't solve violence. They feel they have no other option. They need a strong advocate to help lead them in a positive direction or else it's just going to get worse. We sadly live in a backward nation that has always seen skin color as a separator. At this moment it's a fight between the protectors of society and an entire race of humans. A strong human being needs to step up and become someone who is worthy of changing history for these misguided people. Social media also needs to stop televising the riots because it's only evoking fear and feeding society with hatred instead of inspiring change."

My response:
"I can't help feeling that they've had strong leaders, peaceful ones, more than most of us even know, and many have been assassinated. MLK was one of many. They don't need to come up with a leader. Society needs to change."

Response from R:
"There are many factors that have gone into these riots, as you have stated. Change is needed. Changes in police policy. Changes in the way we discuss our problems in our homes. Changes in visible Black leadership (because Erin is right, for every MLK Jr. and Malcom X there are many, many less visual leaders of the black community). And changes in our hearts. Because it isn't an us or them issue. It is a human rights issue.
And quite frankly, my heart hurts going on Facebook after these events. People just spew hate.
And Erin, I hope your change comes today. " (emphasis applied by Erin)