Slavery, the Generational Sin of White America

The United States was founded on free labor. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson owned enslaved people. 400,000 people were kidnapped from Africa and brought to the United States. At the start of the Civil War, it is estimated that 4 million people were enslaved in the United States alone.

White people in the United States were addicted to cheap labor.

After buying and selling people like chattel was outlawed, we could have moved into a better system in which everyone was given an honest day's pay for an honest day's work.

No such thing happened. In fact, the sharecropping system of the South is an illustration of how White people managed to make slavery continue. They threatened and lynched those who did not follow the system. They trapped Black people into debt cycles and low wages based on unpredictable productivity levels in the agricultural establishment. They prevented people who were not already White and wealthy from obtaining the means of production such as land and equipment. They used the one drop rule to maintain their own power structure.

Many lately have argued that the worst sin in the United States is the perversion of sexual intimacy. I disagree.

The greatest commandments that Jesus gives us is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. Enslaving people, addiction to cheap labor and disposable goods, and prioritizing money over humanity fly in the face of that commandment. We essentially make idols out of money and power. This is the generational sin, and the greatest sin, of White America.

When people are discussing the state of the US, they sometimes say things like, "Employers just don't care about their employees anymore." Or "Corporations no longer take care of their employees."

Let me submit to you that in the brief window when employers did take care of their employees, it was not because employers cared to or were more ethical. It was because either unions forced them to do so or because they realized that it made good business sense to pay their workers a fair wage for fair work. (For example, Henry Ford realized that he would retain better employees if he paid them above the going wage, and he also realized that he was better off being able to market his product to his employees, who would not have been able to afford automobiles if they did not make wages sufficient to purchase one.)

Corporations fought unions tooth and nail. They moved to states with right to work. They outsourced labor. They downsized and pink-slipped.

They developed a new system of sharecropping in the United States.

We have a system where corporations have hired lobbyists to convince our legislators to allow the federal minimum wage to fall so low as not to provide full-time workers with enough to subsist on, even with careful budgeting. Minimum wage workers are then trapped in cycles of debt, and shamed for having this debt. They are trapped in cycles of needing public assistance, and being shamed for using public assistance. While the workers are blamed, it is in fact the labor system that is broken.

I assert that this is a generational sin. I come from a lineage of White privilege, of consumerism, of individualism. I had to learn to see my privilege for what it is. I had to study history and sociology to see how conditions favor me and how they trained me to see a meritocracy where none exists. At this point, even many White workers are falling into modern sharecropping, despite a system designed to benefit them, because so few people in the country take such a large percentage of the wealth.

 I have admitted to being a workaholic. I have admitted to sometimes sacrificing my love for others and my love for God to a need for ever greater financial security, and need for greater power within my employment situation. I have confessed this to you. I am working on it.

The sins of our ancestors have cursed many. While sins can be forgiven through repentance, the effects of them are not erased so easily.  It is going to take a generation of people who truly understand that humans are not commodities and that every human life is priceless, and who act accordingly, to start momentum toward atonement and equality.

Join me in confession.

Update: #fixerupperdetroit in the eye of the storm

I haven't posted about the house much lately. After the stress of the purchase process and the drama of the land bank, and then the exhaustion of demolition, we reached a holding period in which we were waiting for estimates, measurements, approvals, permits, etc, and there really wasn't anything exciting to tell you.

Oh, although a few days ago, the contractor let me know that he is insisting on adding a wall in the basement bathroom to keep the kitchen floor from caving in.

I think normal people would freak out a little? At least because that sounds expensive and a little frightening?

And I just said, okay, do whatever you have to do, safety first, and so forth.

Some of that is because we trust Labra Design+Build so, so much.

Most of it is that after all of the previous struggle and the fact that we knew #fixerupperdetroit had issues, adding a wall seems manageable (especially since I don't have to do it myself). It seems minor. It's something we can control, unlike the land bank, or the seller, or the water department.

I haven't relaxed yet. I anticipate more struggles. We're planning to completely move in at the end of April even though it's not possible that the house will be done, and I'm sure that will have its own challenges. I feel like we're sort of in the eye of the storm.

It helps that our next door neighbor has been watching the contractors go in and out and texted me yesterday to tell me how excited she is for us. That's not the type of neighborhood you find every day. We're so blessed that she and many others were watching over the house and will continue to do so until we are there full time.

Deep breath. Soon.

Confessions: #MedWifeLife Rules

Over the past several years, and especially since Rebecca has started residency, I've made what I call #medwifelife rules. I know that sounds weird, but they're also not what you think. They're not about status or money or anything like that.

Dorian takes care of Rebecca while she rests after a long shift.

Here they are, with no further ado:

1. Thou shalt not cook dinner before confirmation that the helpmate has left the hospital.

I used to feel obligated to have a hot meal on the table when my wife got home. She has a hard job, is on her feet a lot, and contrary to US employment law, often doesn't get a meal break.

The problem became that I didn't know when she would actually be home (if there is work to do, residents can be kept a couple hours past the end of a 12 or 14 hour shift), so if I timed dinner for when I thought she'd be home, I'd end up trying to keep it warm, it ended up burnt or soggy, and I ended up resentful.

So I don't start heating anything that might be hard to keep warm until I know that she is on her way home. She has accepted this, and if she wants there to be food ready, she knows that she needs to let me know when to expect her.

Which leads to rule number . . .

2. Thou shalt serve frozen pizza without feeling guilty.

I work. She works. Sometimes we're too exhausted to cook something. I've given up feeling bad for eating frozen pizza.

3. Thou shalt not feel obligated to wash scrubs.

I do most of our laundry. Sometimes I wash Rebecca's scrubs and white coat. I know, though, that there is a laundry service at the hospital and Rebecca can get her scrubs and white coat laundered there. So if I'm short on time or laundry money, I don't prioritize the things that could be washed elsewhere. It's not my job to make sure Rebecca has scrubs. She's an adult person who can work it out.

4. Thou shalt not sleep when the helpmate sleeps and work when the helpmate works.

I've heard stories of medwives who have a cup of coffee with their spouse every morning before the spouse leaves for work, even if that's at 4 am. Props to them; that's a lovely, lovely tradition, and while I'm jealous, I've accepted that I can't do that because I won't go back to sleep. I'll start working at 4 am and not stop. I also have started forcing myself to go to bed at a reasonable hour when Rebecca is on nights, and I don't usually nap during the day with her when she gets home, even if I'm not working. Keeping my sleep schedule constant is important for me.

As a workaholic, it's also easy for me to believe that if Rebecca is working 14 hours, I should be too. Last spring, during my work's busy season, I worked several 50-60 hour weeks while she was working 80 hours a week. We had no time to cook or clean or do laundry (I paid someone to help out a couple times). I felt guilty chilling when I knew she was saving lives. But both of us being exhausted and irritable doesn't make for a better marriage. We still need the income (especially with the whole #fixerupperdetroit story) from my work, so I work a fair amount, and I try to be home when she's home if I can, but I don't feel bad if our work schedules don't line up.

5. Thou shalt remember this is temporary.

While Rebecca will always be a doctor, she will not always be a resident. At some point, she will have control over her schedule again, money won't be tight, we won't be back and forth between two housing situations. I will have my turn to be cared for when I find my calling. There will be brunch, and lazy Sunday afternoons, and vacations together, and shared housework (or a paid cleaning service). It's been a long road - Rebecca started applying to med school in 2008, had to do another application cycle in 2009, and started med school summer of 2010. She won't finish residency until fall of 2017, so at some point, it became easier to think of this as permanent, of the escalation of suffering as ongoing (Rebecca calls med school and residency boiling a frog), but we don't actually have so much longer now. Given that Rebecca is a family med physician, we will not have the largest salary people associate with doctors, but we'll live comfortably, particularly because of the choices we made while she was in med school and residency so that she can get out of debt sooner.

6. Thou shalt focus on why thou loves thy wife. 

When we're ships passing, which happens a lot, or the housework has fallen on my shoulders more than I would like, or when I'm exhausted, sometimes I don't feel married. But I am married, and I married Rebecca for a reason. When I'm starting to feel resentful of the way in which residency programs view spouses, how mistreated my wife is at the hands of insurance companies and large healthcare systems, and how much that has impacted pursuit of my personal goals, I try to consider the reasons I love her and the reasons she has become a physician instead of remaining a pharmaceutical engineer. Cheesy? Maybe. But it helps.

Do I follow all of these rules all the time?

No, of course not. There are always exceptions, and everyone fails. I definitely don't recommend this system for everyone. Every marriage is different. But consideration of these issues has made it possible for us to survive and some days thrive in a very difficult situation.

If your significant other is a doctor, what rules do you follow for yourself?

Confessions: My Life Felt Temporary until #fixerupperdetroit

Temporary.

The places we stayed while Rebecca was in medical school were temporary.

Lansing Township. 21 months or so.

Wyandotte. 14 months.

Meridian Township. 10 months.

And then she finished med school, and we thought there would be a longer temporary. A semi-permanent. We thought Royal Oak might be it until she finished residency.

Less than a year later, we were looking for houses.

To make matters so much worse, after 16 months in Royal Oak we had the mold infestation that almost killed us, and we moved.

To Southgate. For five and a half months. The most temporary of places yet. We didn't unpack all the boxes. We're using a bedroom as storage/pantry. Most of my serving pieces are still packed. I ditched the full-size artificial Christmas tree because I couldn't handle moving it. I'm telling myself that's okay.

Because we really live in our Greenacres home, even if we're in transition now. And we'll be there indefinitely - at least until Rebecca is done with residency and loan forgiveness, which will be 2020. Probably a lot longer if the neighbors are any indication.

It's a reminder that this world is not my home. These apartments have not been home, not really, although we were happy in some of them. For those of us who follow Jesus, the earth is not our home. We are placed here for a time to share joy, offer comfort, bring what peace we can, but we cannot settle here permanently. We are to look for a time that the kingdom comes. We are to do God's work to bring the kingdom. It is our blessing to serve.

#fixerupperdetroit feels like a space where Rebecca and I can serve more, love deeply, and help, in a small way, to bring the kingdom.

I hope you will take that opportunity too.

Confessions: Clothing I Wish I Never Had to Buy Again

Apparently I'm not a typical girly-girl. Who knew?

In spite of non-stereotypical behaviors such as (gasp!) wearing skirts and having long hair, I don't really enjoy shopping for most clothing items. I know this is a first world problem, as I am at a point in my life in which I can afford these items if I truly need. Here is a list of items I especially hate shopping for:

1. Slacks

Maybe because I grew up in pants that never seemed quite long enough, or because it's easy to fall prey to muffin top, or because the pockets are never big enough, or washing instructions are a pain, or the line between too loose and too tight is razor-thin. I'm fortunate that my employer doesn't often require business casual dress. I think I own one pair of slacks right now. I tried to buy more, almost had a meltdown, and gave up. I suppose someday I will have to try again, unless I make it a life goal never to work for an employer that requires business casual clothing.

2. Bras

Especially when it's chilly out, spending much time scantily clad isn't a fun proposal. Add the sticker shock, strangers measuring me, and the knowledge that in a few months, this article of clothing will probably attempt to stab me in the heart, and well, I put off bra shopping as long as possible. I've tried ordering online with little success - which I guess makes sense given how specifically they must fit - so I periodically trudge to the store. I suppose I could be a rebel and stop wearing this somewhat pointless undergarment, but I'm really not there yet.

3. Coats

This is mostly because I really love the coats I already have and want them to last forever. But coats are such a commitment. If properly cared for, a good coat can last for years, and I have a general policy of keeping things until they wear out. Therefore, I typically look for something I don't expect to go out of style. Add to that a penchant for buying coats that aren't black, and well, it's a bit of a challenge.

4. Socks

I would spend the year barefoot if I didn't live in Michigan. When I do wear socks, I have specific length and fabric requirements if I don't want to be tugging at them or despising my clammy, chilly feet. For some reason, bamboo socks have mostly not been in stock, and manufacturers seem to believe that I want socks that come to my knees or sit below my ankles. Sad panda.

5. Boots

Much like coats, I feel obligated to choose boots that will span multiple seasons. I also need soft-soled boots for proctoring (my students expect me to be a ninja), find the price of a good pair overwhelming, and need something I can wear for long periods without experiencing leg fatigue. Most women's boots aren't designed to meet all of those needs and still look chic.



Yes, these are first world problems, and I feel very fortunate that I can afford these items when necessary. I think a large part of the issue is how few designers live someplace like Michigan, where the weather gets cold and the streets get sloppy. I hope as Detroit continues to make its come-back, we see some of the designers there rise to influence with practical but awesome designs.

Dear Hallmark: You Don't Have a V-Day Card for Me

Dear Hallmark,

I know you are working overtime to make money around Valentines' Day. I heard your commercial trying to convince me that you have a card for every love story. 

You have a lot of cards. That fit a lot of love stories. But I guarantee you don't have one that says:

"I'm so glad I took you, as my college roommate, to Indian food and the Spartan Discords for Valentines' Day our senior year of college. And fell in love with you."

Or

"I'm glad we started a now-defunct urban farming non-profit so we could meet so many wonderful people."

Or

"I'm glad you  asked me to go with you to medical school, and I'm grateful we both survived."

You don't have a card that says:

 "I would fight for marriage equality with you for a hundred more years if it meant we'd be together."

Or

"#fixerupperdetroit is only perfect because I'm doing it with you. You're my home, now and forever, no matter where we end up."

Maybe that's because Valentines' Day is still very heteronormative. 

 

In our case, though, I think even if we were straight, our love story would be unusual. I think that in this world, it is rare and hard and beautiful for helpmates to truly find each other and be able to move in the same direction. I'm so grateful that Rebecca and I have known each other for so long and have chosen to love fiercely, even when our story was nontraditional, even when the legal system denied us recognition, even though our families didn't approve. Life isn't a romantic comedy. There aren't very many happily ever afters. The loose ends don't get tied up. Just when you get closed on your dream home, the land bank posts a seizure notice. 

Rebecca spent fourteen hours today caring for pediatric patients at DMC Children's Hospital. She isn't home yet but should be soon. She will be exhausted, and she will complain, but she will also light up to tell me about the father who stayed to suction his infant daughter's nose, tap her chest to help her breathe, and sit by her side. She will laugh at the antics of her adolescent patients. 

 

Supporting that is much more in the spirit of St Valentine than a box of chocolates ever could be.

Michiganders: Reject "Necessity" of Inequality

Flint.

My heart still aches for Flint. I don't think it will ever stop. We've seen emergency managers step down, a few other officials resign, Snyder is heckled in Ann Arbor, national politicians have come, lots of speeches, lots of bottled water.

And in some ways, we've seen Michigan do what it does best. I know Michiganders to be kind, charitable people, compassionate when they hear about suffering. The amount of bottled water sent to Flint is an example of that.

We're also independent, stubborn, gritty, and I think some of the rhetoric coming out of this - about holding people/leaders accountable - comes from that.

Much has come out about the failure of emergency financial management. Articles have explained the deep problems with austerity budgeting. People have countered with the risks of stimulus spending. No one is 100% wrong.

Here's what I haven't heard mentioned (although it's impossible, at this point, to keep up with every thinkpiece on the Flint Water Crisis):

Michigan, in the last 100 years, has lived on the boom and bust cycle, perhaps more than any place except Wall Street. We watched as auto production boomed, and the wealthy built things like the world's largest art object - the marble and fresco-covered Fisher Theater in the New Center - while paying workman's comp and prioritizing employees. And then in 1929, things crashed. And it was terrible.

Then World War II came along, and Detroit became the Arsenal of Democracy. Rosie the Riveter was a Michigander. The state, and especially metro Detroit, kept the military stocked. People bought houses. The suburbs expanded. And then the war ended, some stuff stayed good, some stuff got messy. Racial tensions ran high. Inflation became an issue. Like I've said before, pick up The Origins of the Urban Crisis.

Here's what seems to happen in every Michigan bust:

The state slashes budgets, especially to urban centers. They cut back funding to education and other services. They allow infrastructure to deteriorate and swear they will put money back when they get it, when the economy improves.

And here's what happens in the subsequent boom:

Most of the time, they don't really put the money back in urban centers (possibly with the exception of a new tax-exempt stadium for the suburbanites to visit). They leave the budget cuts in place. Lately, that seems to have resulted in lagging economic recoveries compared to other states. If leaders have extra money, they either squirrel it away or spend on . . . consultants? Tax credits? Retreats? Beats me where the money is going in the good years, since it never seems to fix roads or run down school buildings or municipal budget shortfalls or city water systems.

And so the boom and bust seems always to result in less money for urban areas, which means that most cities end up trying to spread butter over too much bread. Crumbling infrastructure costs more to fix than routine maintenance. Poor students cost more to educate than rich ones.

So I'm calling on Michigan politicians and citizens NOT to give some money back in booms or to austerity budget or overspend and stimulate in busts.

I'm calling on all of us to reject the boom and bust cycle.

I'm calling on all of us to seek sustainable growth, sustainable funding, routine maintenance, adequate services, 100% of the time. We can do that through promoting equality, improving employment, and making sure every child has access to education. We can increase our tax base by welcoming diversity and improving services. Let's not set a quota for a number of students on to college that can be met by gathering every wealthy suburbanite into the fold. Let's set the expectation that every child can and should learn.  Let's not accept that much of the state is headed for a lead poisoning issue much like Flint's. Let's not keep joking about how bad the roads in Michigan are without any end in sight. Let's become a state where employers provide training and invest in employees.

Let's be Michiganders. Let's solve problems. Let's show compassion. Let's be gritty and inventive and stubborn.

I can't accept the alternative.

Mythbusters: #fixerupperdetroit edition

As most of you know by now, Rebecca and I closed on a fixer upper in Detroit about a week and a half ago. We've been doing the #househuntersdetroit journey since roundabout May, so it's been a long time coming.

During our voyage into homeownership, I've heard a lot of comments about Detroit - many wonderful, true, and encouraging. Some true and discouraging.

Some false, though. Some pretty serious misconceptions about the city have come up. And I'm not an expert, but I've grown up in the metro area, worked in the city on and off for several years now, spent the last seven months looking at homes in different neighborhoods, know and love many Detroiters, and have a somewhat captive audience (that's you, reader! even though I know you're not that captive - thanks for choosing to read on).

So here are some of the myths I've heard mentioned, explicitly or implicitly, during the last several months.

1. Detroit is a wasteland/slum/vacant.

I didn't realize how many people believe that no one really lives in Detroit anymore, or that the only people who live there have no choice, or that all the housing stock there is ruined and terrible. Driving through the city for even a short while will debunk this, so see myth #2.

2. Some areas of Detroit are good, but if you get lost and leave them, you are in trouble.

This is a popular one, in part because it sounds less prejudiced or more knowledgeable, I think. Many areas of Detroit are good. Many are okay but not great. Some are in bad shape, but here's something I want you to read out loud until you believe it:

People visit Detroit every day. Many of them get lost because the city is confusing to navigate. Everyone I know who has ever visited Detroit has gotten lost at some point. I don't know anyone who has been harmed. You probably don't either. You are unlikely to become the exception.

Certainly, some neighborhoods have problems. I'm not suggesting you seek them out and wander them at night alone announcing that you have a lot of cash on you. But readers, you know you probably wouldn't do that in any city. If you mind your own business and are polite, you will find more help than harm. Detroiters are some of the friendliest people in the world, as a general rule (it's true, ask anyone who's been).

3. The neighborhoods that are doing well are where the hipsters have moved in.

Yes, Midtown is at 100% occupancy with waiting lists. Yes, prices have risen in the New Center and Corktown and Downtown. Yes, a lot of hipsters live there.

But you know what other places are doing well? Indian Village. A lot of the Villages, really. Greenacres. University. Palmer. Sherwood. A host of others. You're hearing about the places the hipsters have moved to because it makes a better story - it's news. There are a lot of neighborhoods that maintained very high occupancy rates even during the Recession, though. There are a lot of people who chose to stay because they loved the city, have had their house for 15, 20, 40, 50 years, not because they can't leave but because they don't want to. It's not news that someone stayed in their house because they love it, but it's what has happened. Sure, the hipsters have filled up certain areas, but Detroit was never vacant, and there are great neighborhoods not inhabited primarily by college student hippie young professional art and tech types.

4. Buying property in Detroit right now is a good financial investment.

Honestly, no one knows if this is true. No one ever knows in real estate, but Detroit is a new situation. They had no natural disaster - they had a financial disaster instead. The city does appear to be coming back, but there are a lot of hidden costs to living there. For us, it doesn't make financial sense to move there, not really. We're doing it anyway because we love the neighborhood and are now blessed enough to be able to make decisions not completely based on finances. It's looking like our house may appreciate in value. If it doesn't, as long as we are able to pay it off, we'll be okay. Buying property in the city is definitely not for the faint of heart, and it's not easy money at all. Holding costs and taxes are higher. I'm not telling you not to buy. I bought a house. But the financial payoff isn't guaranteed. Not everywhere in the city is a "hot" market. Neighborhoods aren't casinos. Gambling like they are has consequences. And some of the best places just aren't going to be a good investment because the prices are already much higher and/or the homes don't need flipping.

5. Houses in Detroit all cost $1000 (or $500 or $5000, or some other small number).

Yes, there was a time during the housing crisis when you could calculate the average home price to be under $10,000 if you managed the data a certain way. Yes, there are programs where houses are auctioned starting at small amounts. Like I said, there are a lot of hidden costs - often, the back taxes, very significant renovations, back utility bills, etc. Not all houses are essentially "free" as I've heard some people implicitly believe. Even on a two income salary with one of them a physician's salary (albeit lower for now because my helpmate is a resident) there are a LOT of homes out of our price range. And with the economy improving, you're not going to snap up that move-in ready 5,000 square foot Tudor for $10,000. In a lot of neighborhoods, homes are going for over the listing price.

6. Everyone in Detroit is poor.

I realized people believe this when someone indirectly suggested that people in our new neighborhood make under $15,000 a year. This seems to accompany a lot of the other myths - that people would move out of the city if they could, or at least out of any neighborhood that the hipsters aren't currently living in. Many Detroiters are living in poverty, it's true. Unemployment is unacceptably high, especially for certain populations. Underemployment and stagnant low wages are also deeply problematic. We need to do more to get people employed in good, stable jobs. But many Detroiters are middle and upper class. After all, someone must be living in the homes Rebecca and I can't afford.

7. The schools in Detroit are terrible.

Many are. Yes. I won't deny that. I have worked in several. The school district has many issues. But some of the schools - Renaissance, FLICS, Cass, DSA - produce very talented graduates. A blanket statement that there are no good public schools in Detroit is wrong.

8. Detroit is so much better now that it has Meijer and Whole Foods.

Detroit did and does have food desert areas. The places that these stores have gone in weren't really among them. And the concern that these large chains will put smaller, family-owned stores out of business is not misplaced.

9. You'll leave once you have kids.

If we are blessed to add children to our family, we will talk about it then. It's obviously complicated. But many families do live in the city with children, navigate the school system, and make it work. The type of people that choose to stay in the city or choose to move there are used to facing challenges.

10. You need to do specific things to "flip" your home so that it will have value/attract the "right" buyer.

I've heard a lot of opinions about what kind of floors, counters, backsplash, appliances we should put in. Most are based on current HGTV shows. We aren't flipping this home. This isn't Rehab Addict or one of the other HGTV shows based on real estate investment. We intend to live in this home for a significant amount of time. Trends perceived to be "timeless" now will undoubtedly look dated. Our plan is to put in things we like and deal with selling the home in due time. It's not an investment property, we're not looking to turn it over quickly - it's our home. And the idea of the "right" buyer is fraught with classist and racist undertones. Also, I repeat, neighborhoods are not casinos. We're not gambling here. I have a job. Rebecca has a job. Our income is not based on turning over this property. There's nothing inherently bad about doing that, provided it's done ethically, but it isn't our goal.

In conclusion: I know you didn't all believe all of these. Many of you didn't believe any or most. But these myths come from statements people have made, based on assumptions that some people seem to take as fact. I encourage you, if you haven't and can do so, to visit the city. Not just to attend a sporting event or visit a museum. Take a stroll through one of the neighborhoods. Meet people. You might be surprised.

#fixerupperdetroit struggle continues: We meet Detroit Water and Sewertroubles

I'm hoping this problem resolves itself. Quickly.

But given that it involves the Detroit Water and Sewer Department, those of you who know about that department understand my concern.

Our first bill has a credit on it from when I had the water turned on, so it said we owed less than our usage for the first month.

I paid what we owe. On time.

But the account reads like I should pay the amount that the credit is too.

Since I'm recovering from bronchitis, calling or going in person isn't an option, so I sent an email. Our bill is due today.

I hope our water doesn't get turned off while we're getting this sorted.

Not Ruin Porn: #fixerupperdetroit photos in the middle

For those of you who haven't heard the phrase "ruin porn," let me educate you:

The term is used to refer to photos taken, especially in Detroit and other Rust Belt cities, that emphasize the decay and decadence of formerly beautiful structures. Michigan Central Station is sort of the quintessential ruin porn subject because it was so, so grand to begin with - enormous, elegant, luxurious - and then became abandoned, scrapped, vacant (click the link to see a Google image search to prove my point).

The original intention of this post, from months ago when we were still in the #househuntersdetroit phase, was to show you how photographers create that haunting, tragic ruin porn feel. I don't know if there's still money in setting up these types of images. I hope that part of the Detroit story is played out - although if someone wants to do a series on the tragedy that is Detroit Public Schools and the non-vacant ruins children still learn in, in order to promote and finance improvements, have at it.

Overall, though, ruin porn doesn't tell the whole story of the city, isn't empowering to residents, and in some ways, appeals to the worst of human nature: the twisted satisfaction from seeing what was once beautiful now broken, corrupted, destroyed.

So I thought that I was going to have a photographer friend take a few examples of #fixerupperdetroit and set them to look like ruin porn to prove a point. I figured that after demolition and before renovation would be the best time. How hard could it be to get the bones of my house to look sad?

My friend Nick Fenton met me at the house recently to take a series of photographs. I explained what I was trying to do, and he's been following the story for a while. I told him about our plans for each room and our goal for the home overall.

I picked the wrong photographer for this project.

Not because the photos aren't amazing.

They are.

But because Nick got the story too well. He was able to see the potential, the resolution of the story. He, like me, doesn't see the house as ruined. And his art reflects the story that we see in this house.

Sure, she's in a rough spot right now, as you can see here:

Kitchen - only the bones left (and not even some of those) - she's down to the subfloor, the shiplap, the studs, and a little insulation.

A view of the kitchen from the dining room. The view through this cutout sets up a juxtaposition, since we're doing very little to the dining room right now even though the kitchen is a total rehab.

The flip side of that juxtaposition. You can see how little we've done to the dining room compared to the kitchen.

The stairs are likely getting new floor and a new banister, and you can maybe see in the very corner where a new lavatory will go, but again, look how much of the living room will stay as-is.

Here you can see the stairs, stripped down to the original hardwood (now cracked and splintered in a few spots), next to the demolition in the kitchen and the spot we've prepped for the new lavatory.

I love the perspective on this one. Here you're looking through the space we've demo'ed in preparation for the lavatory. The hallway is in rough shape right now, but you still catch a glimpse of our gorgeous bay window and high living room ceiling.

This is the boiler room in our basement. The boiler has been replaced, and new boilers are much more efficient and therefore smaller, so the room is awkward and a little creepy - but I defy you to find a basement utility room that isn't a little scary. We'll be fixing a lot of the hookups in here, and some parts of the heating system have been repaired since about a week after we purchased.

Even in the photos that show the worst conditions, I can't see anything but potential. I don't get that haunting, sad, frightened feeling that certain images of the train station or old theaters give. I can't imagine any amount of editing will evoke that. Maybe that's because I love #fixerupperdetroit so much and am still so deeply grateful to have been able to purchase a home this wonderful. Maybe I'm an eternal optimist.

And then there are the other photos. The ones that would never be ruin porn, because there's absolutely nothing ruined in them. Have a look:

This is a family room/study in the basement. We're pretty sure that fireplace is hooked up for gas, and the built-ins are in solid shape. A new valve on the ceiling radiator, and all this room needs is a deep clean, lamps, and lounge furniture.

This will be Rebecca's study when the home is finished. Some of the doors need a little work, and a few panes of glass must be replaced, but the room doesn't need a true rehab.

This is the upstairs full bath. It's been redone since the house was built, so it isn't original. Someday, I'd like to restore it to a more late 1920s feel. But it needs only minor cosmetic and plumbing work for the most part (except that a new sewer line will have to be run, since the sewer lines hadn't been replaced since 1928, and it's time).

This is the attic. It needs insulation and probably new windows, but again, it's a great space with only some minor work. When it's done, it will be a guest bedroom and small office area designed to hold a couple and a small child. My mother-in-law is taking the lead on decorating this space - stay tuned.

Remember how I said we're not doing anything major to the dining room? Or Rebecca's study? This gives you a sense of how much of the ground floor will be staying more or less as-is. (Photograph taken standing in the living room and looking through to Rebecca's bay window.)

This photograph is taken standing in Rebecca's office and looking through the dining room toward the living room bay window. Notice the pile of boards on the floor on the right side? That's trim that Rebecca managed to save during demolition, so that we can add back some of the original elements once we near the end of the renovation. Also, yes, a snow shovel! We had to buy one to clear the sidewalk. Since we've always rented before, we never needed one. Also great for picking up tiny chunks of plaster from the floor . . .

We're not in the beginning of this story, when the house was new and Detroit was booming. If this house could talk, I have a feeling she'd tell you that she belongs to the Club to Whom the Unimaginable is Now Imaginable - she's been through a lot.

But she's not done. She's not ruined. She was waiting for her story to pick up again. These photos prove that she's in the middle of the story and doesn't know her ending yet.

That reminds me: I'm not ruined either.

Land Bank Strikes Again: This Time it's Worse

Edit: I'm waiting for more details to come in about this.  Action steps #1 and #2 still apply. Action step #3 should be put on hold until further notice.


Remember my Open Letter to the Detroit Land Bank Authority that so many of you read and were appalled at? Remember the struggle we had a month ago to make sure that #fixerupperdetroit stayed ours? Remember the problems I articulated with the land bank?

The land bank strikes again, this time at something INFINITELY more important than #fixerupperdetroit. 

You see, even worst case scenario, if the Detroit Land Bank Authority had taken my property away and I had ended up homeless with ruined credit, it would just be me.

Now, a Detroit institution very near and dear to my heart, one of the reasons we bought in the city in the first place, a group that has helped me think and love more deeply about food and money and friends, a group that feeds neighbors, stabilizes the community, preserves the environment, and keeps me posted on how much #detroithustlesharder has been hurt by discriminatory Detroit Land Bank policies.

How?

The Detroit Land Bank has been selling side lots to try to stabilize neighborhoods. This in itself isn't a problem. Having lots owned by residents of the community is beneficial, as they are more likely to be maintained.

However, many lots were already being maintained by neighbors or urban agriculture groups. There actually were policies that approved this type of behavior (it gets complicated to explain, but suffice it to say that Detroit benefited). Faith Farm CSA was one group in a large network that was helping substantially to maintain neighborhoods, feed people, stand in the food desert gap, educate people, and farm sustainably. In fact, they have distributed more than 2.5 tons of food to the needy.

I heard months ago that some of the parcels they were maintaining (but they didn't own) were up for sale with the land bank and they were trying to file to get them permanently. At that point, Rebecca and I went all in, bought a community-supported agriculture share, and determined that we WOULD be living in the city by the time it started, whatever it took. #fixerupperdetroit ensued. Faith Farm had at least some of the cash in hand they needed to purchase the lots that they should have had precedence for.

Now Faith Farm has been notified that someone else, someone who wasn't already doing all of this maintenance, was successful in purchasing the side lots, and the farm will have to move everything to a new location. This will cost them a lot of time and money, just like when we were staring down our unreasonable rehab agreement.

I made this risotto with ingredients from my Faith Farm share. Their veggies always inspire me to cook my best!

Faith Farm eggs are absolutely delicious. You'll never eat fresher. Because their chickens eat a more varied diet than commercial chickens, their eggs are richer, creamier, and more flavorful.

This Faith Farm tomato was exquisite. Flavorful, juicy, the perfect counterpoint to fresh mozzarella and basil.

Here is what I am calling on every reader to do:

1. Financially support Faith Farm CSA by purchasing shares for this summer.

You can purchase a share for yourself or for an urban family (Faith Farm makes sure families with children and seniors in their neighborhood have fresh foods whenever possible). The food is absolutely top notch, and pickups create an opportunity for you to meet new people, learn new things, and visit their chickens and turkey. Although the amount might seem like a lot up front, when you divide it out for 18 weeks, it actually is a very reasonable price for a weekly local, organic grocery budget. And it's not a handout. It's a hand up. You will be investing in something that is directly changing Detroit neighborhoods. Faith Farm still has a chance to buy other lots from the land bank to continue production, but they need to make sure they have the resources to do so. Our direct support is essential.

If you can't buy a full share, consider donating what you can. Some of you offered to support a Gofundme for our legal fees, and I trust that you will put that money to good use now that #fixerupperdetroit is in the clear but another important group isn't.

2. Volunteer at a Faith Farm workday

If you are around Detroit and have time, Faith Farm organizers are looking for help, especially if you have access to tools and equipment. This is a great chance to meet new people, get your hands dirty, and see permaculture in action.

3. Contact the land bank to complain*

You can comment about Faith Farm on the Detroit Land Bank Authority facebook page or leave a negative review, tweet @1DLBA, or call (313) 974-6869. The land bank is already suffering from negative publicity due to actions that have targeted homeowners like us.

*Please hold off on this as we await further details.

My heart is breaking that such good people doing such important work will have to allocate resources they don't really have because of the bureaucratic failings of their city.

My Heart Broke a Little Today: Urban Teaching isn't for the Faint

This conversation transpired with one of my students today:

Student: Miss Erin, will you get him? (points to a student next to him)
Me: That's not really something I can do. If he's bothering you, you can move to a different seat.
Student: He keeps poking my leg!
Me: That does sound distracting, and I'm sorry it's happening. The fastest way to fix this right now is for you to take a seat someplace else.
Student: Maybe I'll just punch him.
Me: Okay, think about what's going to happen if you do that. Who's going to get in trouble, you or him?
Student: Me.
Me: And they'll probably suspend you or put you out of class, which is definitely worse than this distraction.
Student: Yeah.
Me: Look, I know this sucks, but you know that as a young African American man, the world is looking for a reason to blame you for things and get you in trouble. Don't give them that reason.

And this student did something I'm not sure any of my African American young men have ever done - he reached his hand out for my hand and bent his fingers around mine. I'm not skilled at this kind of handshake, though I've seen them done a lot. I can't verbalize exactly what it meant that he did this, but it was an acknowledgment of sorts.

In that moment, my heart broke a little bit, that I had to say that to him, that it was true, that the world is looking for a reason to put this student out of class. It's my job to teach him how to play the SAT game so he can get a score to go to college, but there's another, bigger game that he has to play even to graduate high school and to live long enough to get to college.

I pray he does.