Debriefing

It's been a couple days since the ceremony, and Rebecca and I are still glowing with joy. It was an absolutely beautiful day (okay, not weather-wise, but it cleared up when it was important) with so many of our loved ones there. The pictures are wonderful (thanks to our photographer, Jacopo Tarantino), the food was delicious (shout out to the Gone Wired Cafe), and the cake was amazing (credit to Roseanne Sherwood of Nana's Sweet Treats). We also greatly appreciate the support of our minister, Kari Nicewander of Edgewood United Church of Christ in East Lansing.

Our ceremony was a mix of traditional and non-traditional elements. Our vows were as traditional as we could make them, because we found an elegance and strength in that, so they read:

" I, Erin, take you, Rebecca, to be my beloved partner in life, to cherish and honor from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, so long as we both shall live."

On the other hand, rather than a sand ceremony or unity candle, we had a dream jar ceremony. Both of us have a cleaned-out plastic peanut butter jar decorated with the word "Dreams," and we placed inside small slips of paper with hopes, dreams, and wishes for the future. We decided that when we got married, it was no longer appropriate for us to keep those separate, since we were committing to a lifetime together. So we bought a larger glass jar and then had the following liturgy:

" Rebecca, I will cherish your dreams, just as I cherish mine, that together, we might make our dreams into a reality."



One of the staff members at the cafe told us that the dream jars were the most salient element of the ceremony for him, and it certainly was meaningful to us too, especially as our life is in transition and we're learning to make sacrifices for each other.

Tomorrow is Go Time

I can't believe it, but the ceremony is tomorrow! We have the rehearsal dinner tonight - lasagna, salad, and rhubarb pie at Gone Wired. We've also picked up food for lunch tomorrow. We're going to have quite a house full! Most of the guests of honor are coming, as are Rebecca's parents and an out-of-town aunt and uncle.

I have a feeling that I'm forgetting some things, but I'm hoping that it won't matter in the end.

At Long Last

We've been trying to get a price quote from our venue for probably about a week now. We knew they were really chill when we decided to have the ceremony there, so I'm not surprised it took so long. It's been difficult, sometimes, to get hold of our contact at Gone Wired, but once we do, Colleen has always been very nice and accommodating, so I felt confident that things would come together. That also gave us the flexibility to change things at the last minute, something a traditional venue wouldn't allow us.

Colleen gave me a call this morning, and the price actually came in under their original estimate! We'll be able to stick to what we budgeted for food - we were looking at around $1200, which we'll hit with the rehearsal dinner, ceremony, and cake included. Words can't describe how happy I am. We need to get a deposit down by Wednesday.

In other news, I still have some things to pick up before the ceremony, including a changeover bucket from the MSU Dairy Store (super excited about that).

I'm starting to get nervous about everything. I want everything to be beautiful - non-traditional but traditional where it counts, and I want everyone to have a really nice time, eat some delicious food, and spend quality time with us. I'm trying to keep the main thing the main thing - committing to the person I love - and not worry too much about the small things.

Gifts for Our Guests of Honor

We thought hard about what to get our guests of honor (which is what we're calling our sort-of bridal party that doesn't follow a lot of the rules). Apparently traditional gifts are jewelry for women and cufflinks or alcohol paraphernalia for men.

We considered vintage jewelry - Rebecca's parents have an antiques business and Rebecca grew up around that kind of thing - but hunting it down seemed hard. So then we turned to Etsy and perused and perused and perused . . . and came up with an idea we really like . . . with some assembly required.

I won't say any more because I want it to be a surprise, but I'm happy with the way things are going and I really hope the special people in our life like them.

I Kissed a Girl

So the plot for a few episodes of Greek, an ABC family dramedy about fraternity/sorority life at a fictional university, a character, Rebecca Logan, explores her sexual preferences, and this statement occurs:

"Last weekend I kissed a girl. And I liked it. Does that make me a lesbian? I just wish there was a way to know for sure. Like a pregnancy test for gayness."

This reflects the stereotype that lots of people experiment with same sex encounters during their undergraduate years. I have no idea what percentage of people actually do this, but I would guess it's a smaller percentage than one might think.

Unfortunately, this gives people the idea that attraction to members of the same sex is a phase, particularly if people come out later in life. I've run into this, as has Rebecca and at least one other gay friend. This gives people the idea that being gay is a choice, that something will change, that there's no permanence or stability to the life of an LGBT person.

In the show, Rebecca returns to straight life after a few episodes. This doesn't reflect reality for many of us.

After my first kiss with Rebecca, I knew that we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together. Annie on My Mind made so much sense to me; it spoke to me in ways that no other story had (and I was a voracious reader as a child). It wasn't fleeting or transient. I didn't need a pregnancy test for gayness. I finally understood myself and what had been going on for so many years.

I kissed a girl and I liked it.

More on Flowers

I also made corsages for a few people - the men who are guests of honor, Rebecca's parents, and the person who will be running sound for us. Also happy with how these turned out.

Mission Flower Power: Accomplished

I finished the bouquets this weekend! I'm really happy with how they turned out.