The sermon at our church on Sunday was about Joseph, and I watched The Nativity Story last weekend. Both have me in a state of mind to consider the narrative behind Jesus' birth and the people involved - not as saints in a story that's been retold over and over, but as real people in a narrative that at the time didn't seem to have a happy ending.
Joseph chose love. He didn't understand; of course, the logical interpretation of Mary's pregnancy was that she had cheated. He could have publicly denounced her, clearing his own name of any perceived wrongdoing, and had her stoned to death.
This action would have killed the mother of our Savior; I'm unclear whether they would have waited until after she gave birth (I'm guessing they would have based on some Old Testament law). This could have drastically changed the narrative of grace and salvation, and it would have been a decision based on distrust of the assertions of his intended.
Instead of choosing punishment, his response was to divorce her quietly - to spare her life - and continue to listen to God. When he heard God speak, he didn't dismiss the message. He acted in love and grace in accordance with God's direction, even though I would posit that he did not feel his bewilderment completely lifted.
He chose grace and obedience to God. He chose to believe that Mary had kept her vow, been chosen by God for a great work, and that he had judged her correctly when Joseph chose her (likely for the same virtue for which God chose her) to be his wife. Joseph chose to raise Jesus, the savior of the world, as his own, and in so doing, take a more powerful place in history than he ever could have imagined.
I will not claim to be carrying the Christ child. In fact, it is difficult, given the Sunday school version of the Christmas story I'd been inculcated with, to see any parallels between Mary and my life. However, I have been accused of sexual wrongdoing, and some would argue that I should be publicly disgraced. In some parts of the world, I could be imprisoned or killed. And yet, although I no longer claim to have any idea what God has planned for me, other than to live a life of love and service, I know without a doubt that Rebecca is my helpmate in it. I know that the privilege that God has conferred upon me - the admittedly unmerited favor of intelligence, education, health, home, beauty, and so on - is for something.
I hope that some with the instinct to accuse me without understanding will recognize that I am still the woman of virtue they knew before I came out. I hope that they will consider that they may not know the full story. That what appears to them to be sin, based on custom and a shallow reading, may actual be a higher calling than anything I could have imagined. I hope that they will choose love and grace over punishment and disgrace, as Joseph did. Part of me wonders if some people always looked sideways at Mary and Jesus. I know that some people will probably always look sideways at me, even if my marriage is formalized nationwide, even if I'm an upstanding citizen, even if my hypothetical children grow up to be upstanding citizens too.
But I hope my legacy will be more than sideways glances or worrying what people think of me. I hope it will be one of obedience to the commandment to love God and love others, to sacrifice myself for my friends, to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. I hope I choose love.
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