A Decade Later: Most of What I Learned was not in Class

That's not to say I haven't learned in class. I've been immensely blessed with a high quality academic experience. The foundation in educational psychology, pedagogy, language, and cognitive development has allowed me to do much, both professionally and personally.

But the ten year anniversary of my start at Michigan State has me reflecting on a lot. I met Rebecca ten years ago this month. I couldn't tell you what date. At the time, starting college seemed like the next thing, the societal expectation, the means to start a career as an educator. It was a big deal and a big transition, but I met a lot of people and had no good way to know who would transform my entire world and who was meant for just a moment, and I didn't know what to pay attention to.

Rebecca and I didn't become good friends until partway through freshman year, when some dorm floor drama pushed us together. I had never met someone who literally grew up in the country on a working farm. East Lansing felt small compared to the rolling suburbs I grew up in, and huge and loud to her.

If I had known then what I would survive and learn and see and do in the next decade, I probably would have packed up and returned home. I know she would have. I wouldn't have believed it if you'd told me. I had a five year plan and still believed those work out. 

That plan, and the subsequent one, didn't include leaving my student teaching year because I realized I wasn't meant for elementary education full time. Or falling in love with a woman. Or marrying one. Or the kind of grad school I've done or not working in public education. Definitely didn't include losing a brother to suicide. Or losing a chosen family member and a grandmother in law right after.

If you'd told me that would happen, or that I would survive it, or that I could ever feel like I was thriving again after, I wouldn't have believed you. If I had believed you, I would have crawled into a hole, paralyzed with fear.

And if it hadn't happened, I never would have known how much grief and joy and anger and hope my heart could hold. Some of you have told me I'm brave. Sometimes I feel that way, but most days, I think I did what anyone would do if the last ten years had happened to them. 

Makes me wonder what's in the next ten. 

PS for those of you who know something is up, there's still an announcement coming up, but I no longer have any time table at all. Might have something to do with my reflective mood though.