Your Questions: My Answers

This blog exists, like most things, for a reason. Originally, I created it to keep you updated about our first wedding. Now, it has become a place for me to share my story and my heart. You have questions, so many questions, or are looking for perhaps a glimmer of your life or love story. 

I end up commenting on more than my share of articles about the church and LGBT issues. I'm trying to be more discerning in my choices so that I don't get sucked into trolling, mudslinging, personal attacks, etc. I don't always succeed, and I apologize if any of you have not found my responses as compassionate or loving as Jesus' would have been. I hope that you feel convicted - on either side of the aisle - but not shamed.

Some of you may have noticed that I sometimes post links to posts during these online discussions or may refer you to the blog. This is not a shameless plug to drive traffic. I'm always humbled and surprised when there is any traffic to my blog. I'm directing you there because while this question is new for you, or you've been wondering for a while but haven't found someone you felt comfortable asking, chances are, I've been asked your question before. I've heard the doctrinal interpretation condemning or supporting my marriage. 

I'm humbled that you think my story might shed light on your sincere questions. I'm surprised that you think I might have an interpretation worth hearing. I know that it takes courage to ask, to seek understanding and reconciliation on such a contentious issue. 

I've grown open in my life, so open, in fact, that people are surprised at what I'm willing to share, quickly, widely. I do that, readers, because I have heard your longing, my longing with you, for reconciliation. 

Why do I refer you to my blog sometimes? Because I've carefully worded these posts. I've tried to be fair and thoughtful and nuanced. 

And also, readers, because as much as I acknowledge your courage in asking, it took more courage to live my story. As you know, my life has not always been easy. No one's has, but those of you who have heard about my last six years know the pain I've seen. Some of you were there to carry that pain. I love you for that. Many of you wish you had been and have poured out compassion. 

As much courage as you have taken to ask, it has taken to live, it takes to answer. I want to. With all the love I can muster. But it is exhausting, readers, sometimes, to tell the story, to relive the pain, and sometimes, especially online, in a comment thread, I can't. I give myself permission to guard my heart and story in the name of self care. And so I refer you to this blog, to the relevant piece of my heart or story. I ask you to read first and follow up. I ask you to acknowledge the courage it has taken to discuss these things on a public blog for the evaluation of no one and the whole world at once.

If you still have questions, come for dinner at a time when I can prepare to put on a brave face or fall apart in a safe space. If you are remote, we can do Skype or Google Hangouts. I will not withhold my story, but sometimes I must delay, and I must ask for your support and for you to consider how many times I've answered and how much pain may come up.