9:00 am
Wake up. Greet my gay houseguest. (She really is gay, but that is not why we are friends. We met while taking a Spanish class during our undergrad.) Chat with her a while.
10:00 am
Take a gay shower and wash my gay hair.
10:15 am
Put on gay clothes and say good morning to my lesbian, homosexual, female partner. The clothes are not gay, although they did come from Target, where Salvation Army bellringers are forbidden to chime. Perhaps Target knows that Salvation Army is very anti-gay rights.
10:30 am
Eat gay pie for gay breakfast. As in a previous post, I will admit that this is a very subversive choice. For those of you who are concerned about my gay nutritional needs, I will defend my choice by saying that each slice of pie contains a whole apple. I have a gay piece of MSU Dairy Store cheddar cheese as a protein supplement. The Dairy Store is not gay, just delicious.
10:45
Commence my gay workday of staring at my gay computer. My work is not gay, just me. The computer is not gay, although it would not shock me to learn that Macs are the preferred technology for the LGBT population. I read some gay articles, create a gay reading guide, and spend time using the gay library search sites. The articles, reading guide, and library site are not gay, just me.
11:45
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner leaves for a meeting about residency match. These are just the sorts of things that prevent her from being a properly subversive LGBT woman.
2:00
Have a gay lunch of gay leftover pizza. The pizza really is gay, since I made it myself by hand. (Gay money is very tight right now, so ordering pizza is too expensive.)
2:30
Return to my gay work.
4:00
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner and I take a gay dessert break from our gay work. These sorts of breaks are important. Without them, we might become weary of our exhausting, subversive lifestyle.
4:30
Return to my gay work.
5:30
Leave for my other gay work in the gay ESL Help Room. The room is not gay, just me.
8:00
Return home to make gay dinner. It is not remarkable - just spaghetti and garlic bread.
8:30
Watch some gay TV with my lesbian, homosexual, female partner. The TV is not gay - we watch Bones - just us.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Children, Hairspray, and Chely Wright
Rebecca and I are putting together music that we'd like to include in our ceremony and reception. I really wanted to use something from my days as a band geek. At first, I was really excited about Entry March of the Boyares, but Rebecca didn't like the feel of it - "too Russian," she said.
Then I recalled Children's March by Percy Grainger, a song that strongly featured the clarinet section in my sophomore year Harold and the Purple Crayon marching band show. I have fond memories of our rehearsals of the piece and love the happy melody. I played it for Rebecca, but she wasn't convinced. Then we started talking about Percy Grainger - she too had enjoyed the whimsy of his musical notation, although she can't remember what piece she played. So I pulled up Country Garden, which didn't sound familiar. When I played The Immovable Do, a song composed around the premise that the Do key on an organ had gotten stuck, she decided that she liked it. We had played this for concert band festival at some point, and one clear memory was of the announcer pronouncing the title as The Immovable Doo, as though we were playing for a hairspray commercial. (The correct pronunciation is The Immovable Doe, as in the scale Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Ti.)
That means we have one song, although we haven't determined where to place it yet. Our friend Cait Ryan will be singing a song during the ceremony, likely It Was by Chely Wright, a lesbian country singer who has recently come out and performed at our first Pride Parade (Cait's version will not be country-style, though). So that totals to two. We'll be looking for others for the next several months and would appreciate suggestions - especially of works composed by LGBTA musicians, but also of timeless, classic, and romantic pieces.
Then I recalled Children's March by Percy Grainger, a song that strongly featured the clarinet section in my sophomore year Harold and the Purple Crayon marching band show. I have fond memories of our rehearsals of the piece and love the happy melody. I played it for Rebecca, but she wasn't convinced. Then we started talking about Percy Grainger - she too had enjoyed the whimsy of his musical notation, although she can't remember what piece she played. So I pulled up Country Garden, which didn't sound familiar. When I played The Immovable Do, a song composed around the premise that the Do key on an organ had gotten stuck, she decided that she liked it. We had played this for concert band festival at some point, and one clear memory was of the announcer pronouncing the title as The Immovable Doo, as though we were playing for a hairspray commercial. (The correct pronunciation is The Immovable Doe, as in the scale Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Ti.)
That means we have one song, although we haven't determined where to place it yet. Our friend Cait Ryan will be singing a song during the ceremony, likely It Was by Chely Wright, a lesbian country singer who has recently come out and performed at our first Pride Parade (Cait's version will not be country-style, though). So that totals to two. We'll be looking for others for the next several months and would appreciate suggestions - especially of works composed by LGBTA musicians, but also of timeless, classic, and romantic pieces.
Premarital Counseling
After meeting with the minister, Rebecca and I set up a plan for couples' counseling with the minister. The first step was to fill out an online survey. (I won't say much about that, since Rebecca hasn't done hers yet and I'm supposed to keep the content confidential until she does.) Suffice it to say that I'm sure it will bring up some good discussion points for us as we prepare for the next step in our relationship.
The minister is great; she's very understanding of the difficulties we face as a lesbian couple, but she views us as every bit as legitimate as a straight couple. I'm looking forward to meeting with her again.
The minister is great; she's very understanding of the difficulties we face as a lesbian couple, but she views us as every bit as legitimate as a straight couple. I'm looking forward to meeting with her again.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Salvation Army
A friend recently posted a link about the Salvation Army's active participation in the denial of human rights. I'm completely flummoxed by the last example listed of their "assault on gay rights." Essentially the Salvation Army threatened to close all the soup kitchens in New York City because they didn't want to treat gay and straight employees equally.
I used to have a soft spot for the Salvation Army. My grandmother tells the story every year of a Christmas during her childhood when the Sal Army brought gifts because the family was too poor that year to afford to have Christmas. I put money in the buckets almost every time I passed one. However, I read about these policies a year or so ago and have been conflicted ever since. I haven't been putting money in the red buckets this year. I hope to hear someday that the Salvation Army has changed its policies.
I used to have a soft spot for the Salvation Army. My grandmother tells the story every year of a Christmas during her childhood when the Sal Army brought gifts because the family was too poor that year to afford to have Christmas. I put money in the buckets almost every time I passed one. However, I read about these policies a year or so ago and have been conflicted ever since. I haven't been putting money in the red buckets this year. I hope to hear someday that the Salvation Army has changed its policies.
MI Gay Lifestyle
I recently posted a link to "My Gay Lifestyle" from the Huffington Post. This is modeled after that. I may do this from time to time.
8:00
I wake up and put on my lesbian clothes. The clothes are not remarkable, nor do they fit any particular lesbian stereotypes, but I am a lesbian, so they are lesbian clothes.
8:15
I eat a gay breakfast of chicken noodle soup. This may be my most subversive choice today. I do not worry about cultural expectations of acceptable foods for a given meal of the day.
9:00
I edit my gay online course. The course is not gay, just me, although I do work for a College of Arts and Letters, which many people feel is too liberal, bordering on being gay itself. In fact, I currently have classes with people from such programs as Philosophy and Writing, Rhetoric, and American Culture, which exist in their own happy worlds of thought. This editing involves calling the technology Help Line. I decide to live on the edge and not disclose that I am a lesbian to the person who helps me. Many people feel that people are not gay until they come out, and that choosing not to come out to everyone they meet is dishonest, but I know that I am gay, deep down, so this does not trouble me.
9:45
I drop off my lesbian, homosexual, female partner at her gay school. The school is not gay, just her. She is a medical student, which unfortunately leaves her with little time for lesbian, gay, homosexual subversive activities.
10:00
I take my gay car to the gay car dealership to have some repairs done. The car may fit lesbian stereotypes, given that it is a Jeep Liberty. My lesbian, homosexual, female partner owns this car because her parents live in the country. The dealership is not gay, just me.
10:30
The gay car dealership shuttle drops me at the mall, where I shop briefly for gay Christmas presents. In fact, I look at gay dresses at a gay shop. The dresses and shop are not gay, just me. I do disclose to the saleswoman that I am shopping for my partner. She may have been surprised, given that everyone knows that lesbians never wear feminine clothing such as dresses.
11:00
I go to a gay cafe to do some gay reading. The cafe is not gay, just me. I order a hot chocolate. I wish now that I had ordered some kind of wheat grass, as that is what a good lesbian should drink. My reading is not gay; it is for my phonology class. In fact, this class is so normal that the classmates to whom I've come out were surprised to learn that I am a lesbian. Clearly, my subversion is working, since I have managed to stealthily blend in to the normal people so that I may take them by surprise when I rip the fabric of American society to shreds.
1:30
The gay dealership calls me to tell me that my gay car is ready. I go pick it up.
2:00
I return home and bake some gay cookies. My lesbian, homosexual, female partner has friends coming over tonight. They are not gay, and I am sure that the gay cookies will not change that.
3:00
I pick up my lesbian, homosexual, female partner from school. We come home and clean the apartment to prepare for her friends' visit.
4:30
I meet some friends for coffee. They are normal people. It may be surprising how many normal people are our friends.
6:00
I work in the gay ESL Help Room. The Help Room is not gay, just me. No one comes today, except for an undergraduate who speaks English as his first language. I think he is a normal person, but it is hard to tell, just like it is hard sometimes to tell that I am a lesbian.
8:00
I return home to do some gay phonology homework while waiting for my lesbian homosexual female partner to come home from dinner with her normal friends.
10:00
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner and I watch a gay movie. The movie is about Christianity and homosexuality, so it really is gay. We learn that many Biblical scholars believe that homosexuality and Christianity are in fact compatible. This may come as a surprise to many people.
12:00
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner and I go to bed and fall asleep after talking about life, the universe, and everything. Our deep gay sleep prepares us for another gay day.
8:00
I wake up and put on my lesbian clothes. The clothes are not remarkable, nor do they fit any particular lesbian stereotypes, but I am a lesbian, so they are lesbian clothes.
8:15
I eat a gay breakfast of chicken noodle soup. This may be my most subversive choice today. I do not worry about cultural expectations of acceptable foods for a given meal of the day.
9:00
I edit my gay online course. The course is not gay, just me, although I do work for a College of Arts and Letters, which many people feel is too liberal, bordering on being gay itself. In fact, I currently have classes with people from such programs as Philosophy and Writing, Rhetoric, and American Culture, which exist in their own happy worlds of thought. This editing involves calling the technology Help Line. I decide to live on the edge and not disclose that I am a lesbian to the person who helps me. Many people feel that people are not gay until they come out, and that choosing not to come out to everyone they meet is dishonest, but I know that I am gay, deep down, so this does not trouble me.
9:45
I drop off my lesbian, homosexual, female partner at her gay school. The school is not gay, just her. She is a medical student, which unfortunately leaves her with little time for lesbian, gay, homosexual subversive activities.
10:00
I take my gay car to the gay car dealership to have some repairs done. The car may fit lesbian stereotypes, given that it is a Jeep Liberty. My lesbian, homosexual, female partner owns this car because her parents live in the country. The dealership is not gay, just me.
10:30
The gay car dealership shuttle drops me at the mall, where I shop briefly for gay Christmas presents. In fact, I look at gay dresses at a gay shop. The dresses and shop are not gay, just me. I do disclose to the saleswoman that I am shopping for my partner. She may have been surprised, given that everyone knows that lesbians never wear feminine clothing such as dresses.
11:00
I go to a gay cafe to do some gay reading. The cafe is not gay, just me. I order a hot chocolate. I wish now that I had ordered some kind of wheat grass, as that is what a good lesbian should drink. My reading is not gay; it is for my phonology class. In fact, this class is so normal that the classmates to whom I've come out were surprised to learn that I am a lesbian. Clearly, my subversion is working, since I have managed to stealthily blend in to the normal people so that I may take them by surprise when I rip the fabric of American society to shreds.
1:30
The gay dealership calls me to tell me that my gay car is ready. I go pick it up.
2:00
I return home and bake some gay cookies. My lesbian, homosexual, female partner has friends coming over tonight. They are not gay, and I am sure that the gay cookies will not change that.
3:00
I pick up my lesbian, homosexual, female partner from school. We come home and clean the apartment to prepare for her friends' visit.
4:30
I meet some friends for coffee. They are normal people. It may be surprising how many normal people are our friends.
6:00
I work in the gay ESL Help Room. The Help Room is not gay, just me. No one comes today, except for an undergraduate who speaks English as his first language. I think he is a normal person, but it is hard to tell, just like it is hard sometimes to tell that I am a lesbian.
8:00
I return home to do some gay phonology homework while waiting for my lesbian homosexual female partner to come home from dinner with her normal friends.
10:00
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner and I watch a gay movie. The movie is about Christianity and homosexuality, so it really is gay. We learn that many Biblical scholars believe that homosexuality and Christianity are in fact compatible. This may come as a surprise to many people.
12:00
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner and I go to bed and fall asleep after talking about life, the universe, and everything. Our deep gay sleep prepares us for another gay day.
Monday, November 21, 2011
MI Love: Cranberries
Recently at Horrock's Farm Market, Rebecca and I bought Michigan cranberries. I'm in love with the tart little fuchsia pearls. My mom used to buy them on sale and freeze them so that she could bake with them all winter.
My favorite cranberry recipe is a Cranberry Citrus Muffin that my mom used to make. However, the most quintessential cranberry recipe, the one that best features the cranberry, is the Thanksgiving staple: cranberry sauce. My mother's (and grandmother's) recipe is a 4:2:1 proportion - 4 parts cranberries to 2 parts to sugar to 1 part water. Then follow the directions on the bag - basically make a syrup, add the cranberries, and cook them until they start to pop (and your kitchen smells like Thanksgiving).
My favorite cranberry recipe is a Cranberry Citrus Muffin that my mom used to make. However, the most quintessential cranberry recipe, the one that best features the cranberry, is the Thanksgiving staple: cranberry sauce. My mother's (and grandmother's) recipe is a 4:2:1 proportion - 4 parts cranberries to 2 parts to sugar to 1 part water. Then follow the directions on the bag - basically make a syrup, add the cranberries, and cook them until they start to pop (and your kitchen smells like Thanksgiving).
Photographer
We have a photographer booked!
A friend from my days in International Teaching Assistant Programs and the Language Culture Partner Program, who also happens to be an amazing photographer, has agreed to shoot the wedding in exchange for a round-trip plane ticket from NYC to Michigan. Given that we're not going to find a photographer who's worked for Barney's for that price anywhere else, and Jack is a friend to boot, we're going with it.
You can view Jack's work on his website, if you're interested.
A friend from my days in International Teaching Assistant Programs and the Language Culture Partner Program, who also happens to be an amazing photographer, has agreed to shoot the wedding in exchange for a round-trip plane ticket from NYC to Michigan. Given that we're not going to find a photographer who's worked for Barney's for that price anywhere else, and Jack is a friend to boot, we're going with it.
You can view Jack's work on his website, if you're interested.
Friday, November 18, 2011
My Gay Day
Early on in the conception of this blog, a friend and I talked about the implication of a "gay lifestyle." People who use this term seem to imply that the only thing I ever am, could be, or do is be a lesbian.
Huffington Post Gay Voices has a post that illustrates this very nicely. I hope you enjoy as much as I did, and find it enlightening. I may, from time to time, post something similar, if it is ever the case that I think you will find my day that interesting.
Huffington Post Gay Voices has a post that illustrates this very nicely. I hope you enjoy as much as I did, and find it enlightening. I may, from time to time, post something similar, if it is ever the case that I think you will find my day that interesting.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
We Have a Minister!
When I talked to my pastor about officiating at our commitment ceremony, he recommended that I contact a colleague of his from Edgewood United Church of Christ in East Lansing. She has experience performing commitment ceremonies, something we want to help give our ceremony structure while maintaining a joyful and nontraditional feel.
At first it looked like she wouldn't be available, but we ended up changing our ceremony date (the reason will be a separate blog post). We meet with her next week and are very excited to talk with her about our life together and the vows that we will take.
At first it looked like she wouldn't be available, but we ended up changing our ceremony date (the reason will be a separate blog post). We meet with her next week and are very excited to talk with her about our life together and the vows that we will take.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days
If you had asked me three years ago what the worst days in my life were, I would have had to think about it. I'm sure I would have come up with something, but nothing that I relive, nothing that stands out as much as the three from the past three years.
The first was coming out to Rebecca's parents. While they have since welcomed me to the family in every way, the night Rebecca and I came out to them was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night. They said many things out of anger and fear that I'm sure they wouldn't repeat now.
The second was the day that, through a combination of circumstances (some our own fault and some not), Rebecca and I became homeless and had to move all of our belongings. Fortunately, a close friend allowed us to store things in his basement and sleep on his floor. We are forever grateful to him for his kindness and generosity. My heart goes out to the many Michiganders who have found themselves without a home during the economic downturn. Rebecca and I were able to find a lease within four days, something that many people haven't been able to do.
The third was the day when my parents and I discussed the fact that I am a lesbian. Their religious beliefs are different from mine, and we had a huge disagreement about the morality of my relationship with Rebecca. I wish I could say that there was a bright spot in this one, or that everything has resolved for the best, but I suspect that the aftermath of that particular terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day will linger longer.
The fact that two of my three bad days have related to coming out is not unusual. For most LGBT people, coming out is a difficult process. While society has become more accepting, reactions still vary wildly. What gives me hope is the fact that my LGBT friends have shared their own coming out stories. In some cases, family members or close friends were accepting at first. In many more, the initial reaction was negative. In most of these, their families eventually came to some type of understanding. I hope that my story becomes one of the latter.
The first was coming out to Rebecca's parents. While they have since welcomed me to the family in every way, the night Rebecca and I came out to them was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night. They said many things out of anger and fear that I'm sure they wouldn't repeat now.
The second was the day that, through a combination of circumstances (some our own fault and some not), Rebecca and I became homeless and had to move all of our belongings. Fortunately, a close friend allowed us to store things in his basement and sleep on his floor. We are forever grateful to him for his kindness and generosity. My heart goes out to the many Michiganders who have found themselves without a home during the economic downturn. Rebecca and I were able to find a lease within four days, something that many people haven't been able to do.
The third was the day when my parents and I discussed the fact that I am a lesbian. Their religious beliefs are different from mine, and we had a huge disagreement about the morality of my relationship with Rebecca. I wish I could say that there was a bright spot in this one, or that everything has resolved for the best, but I suspect that the aftermath of that particular terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day will linger longer.
The fact that two of my three bad days have related to coming out is not unusual. For most LGBT people, coming out is a difficult process. While society has become more accepting, reactions still vary wildly. What gives me hope is the fact that my LGBT friends have shared their own coming out stories. In some cases, family members or close friends were accepting at first. In many more, the initial reaction was negative. In most of these, their families eventually came to some type of understanding. I hope that my story becomes one of the latter.
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