MI Gay Lifestyle

I recently posted a link to "My Gay Lifestyle" from the Huffington Post. This is modeled after that. I may do this from time to time.

8:00
I wake up and put on my lesbian clothes. The clothes are not remarkable, nor do they fit any particular lesbian stereotypes, but I am a lesbian, so they are lesbian clothes.

8:15
I eat a gay breakfast of chicken noodle soup. This may be my most subversive choice today. I do not worry about cultural expectations of acceptable foods for a given meal of the day.

9:00
I edit my gay online course. The course is not gay, just me, although I do work for a College of Arts and Letters, which many people feel is too liberal, bordering on being gay itself. In fact, I currently have classes with people from such programs as Philosophy and Writing, Rhetoric, and American Culture, which exist in their own happy worlds of thought. This editing involves calling the technology Help Line. I decide to live on the edge and not disclose that I am a lesbian to the person who helps me. Many people feel that people are not gay until they come out, and that choosing not to come out to everyone they meet is dishonest, but I know that I am gay, deep down, so this does not trouble me.

9:45
I drop off my lesbian, homosexual, female partner at her gay school. The school is not gay, just her. She is a medical student, which unfortunately leaves her with little time for lesbian, gay, homosexual subversive activities.

10:00
I take my gay car to the gay car dealership to have some repairs done. The car may fit lesbian stereotypes, given that it is a Jeep Liberty. My lesbian, homosexual, female partner owns this car because her parents live in the country. The dealership is not gay, just me.

10:30
The gay car dealership shuttle drops me at the mall, where I shop briefly for gay Christmas presents. In fact, I look at gay dresses at a gay shop. The dresses and shop are not gay, just me. I do disclose to the saleswoman that I am shopping for my partner. She may have been surprised, given that everyone knows that lesbians never wear feminine clothing such as dresses.

11:00
I go to a gay cafe to do some gay reading. The cafe is not gay, just me. I order a hot chocolate. I wish now that I had ordered some kind of wheat grass, as that is what a good lesbian should drink. My reading is not gay; it is for my phonology class. In fact, this class is so normal that the classmates to whom I've come out were surprised to learn that I am a lesbian. Clearly, my subversion is working, since I have managed to stealthily blend in to the normal people so that I may take them by surprise when I rip the fabric of American society to shreds.

1:30
The gay dealership calls me to tell me that my gay car is ready. I go pick it up.

2:00
I return home and bake some gay cookies. My lesbian, homosexual, female partner has friends coming over tonight. They are not gay, and I am sure that the gay cookies will not change that.

3:00
I pick up my lesbian, homosexual, female partner from school. We come home and clean the apartment to prepare for her friends' visit.

4:30
I meet some friends for coffee. They are normal people. It may be surprising how many normal people are our friends.

6:00
I work in the gay ESL Help Room. The Help Room is not gay, just me. No one comes today, except for an undergraduate who speaks English as his first language. I think he is a normal person, but it is hard to tell, just like it is hard sometimes to tell that I am a lesbian.

8:00
I return home to do some gay phonology homework while waiting for my lesbian homosexual female partner to come home from dinner with her normal friends.

10:00
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner and I watch a gay movie. The movie is about Christianity and homosexuality, so it really is gay. We learn that many Biblical scholars believe that homosexuality and Christianity are in fact compatible. This may come as a surprise to many people.

12:00
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner and I go to bed and fall asleep after talking about life, the universe, and everything. Our deep gay sleep prepares us for another gay day.