But I can't help but think that it's more of a land mine than many people realize, for diverse groups, but perhaps more than usual for the LGBT community.
Some may find themselves without a place to go because their family refuses to see them. Even if others take them in, having your family refuse to include you and/or your significant other is difficult.
I am not suggesting that every family is like this. I have many friends in the LGBT community whose families are very accepting. But this is not really a binary. Some families are only accepting if the LGBT person pretends to be straight for the day, or doesn't bring the partner, or will tell certain members of the family that the partner is a friend or roommate. This seems inclusive to some people, but it can also be taxing, and without a doubt it pushes heteronormativity.
For people in a complicated holiday situation, it can be difficult to answer questions about their plans. They may want to be honest, but they also don't want to be "downers" or go into detail. The holidays are a time of stress for most people already.
What can you do if you realize that you've put someone on the spot? Hard to say, but if you know the person really has no place to go, and you mean it, invite them over. Don't bash their family too much unless they do. Even if they do. Don't defend their family either. Although their family may be making hurtful choices, they're still family, and feelings can be complicated. If you need to say something, I recommend, "That must be hard for you." And then resolve to include any of your family members that might be ostracized. Create a chosen family. If you are a member of a religious institution, push for inclusive policies that encourage members to invite their gay family members to Thanksgiving with their partners.
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