Two women seeking equality in a state where some couples are more equal than others.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

A (Now) Open Letter to a Church

This was written months ago during a series called Stuff Christians Say at the church Rebecca and I currently attend. One week specifically addressed Stuff Christians Say about Sex, and this was my plea to the speaker.

Dear Church Community,

I'm not sure what your plan is for Sunday, but I'm intrigued. As an openly gay woman, I've had interesting experiences with this. Definitely the stereotype many Christians have is that a gay lifestyle (and there is just one) involves lots of clubs, hookups, casual relationships, etc. Many also imply that people in same sex relationships cannot really be Christians or that they are intentionally ignoring passages of the Bible that "definitively prove" that being gay or having gay sex is a sin, probably the worst one. This attitude hypersexualizes and demeans gay people and their relationships, particularly by deciding, often without getting to know them, to judge gay marriages solely on sex, not on love, commitment, grace, encouragement, and being a helpmate as God designed us to be. This attitude pushes many people away from the church. For me, I have made a conscious decision to stay in the church, but even at churches that are relatively accepting, I find myself distracted from spiritual growth and the beauty of the Gospel by feeling that I have to either inwardly or outwardly defend my marriage.

I have never had intercourse with anyone but my wife, although we weren't married at the time, partially because of the legislation in Michigan. By continuing to support marriage inequality or remaining silent, the church is preventing people from having a sexual relationship that fulfills God's (and conservative society's) ideals.

In terms of lifestyle, I think that many straight Christian couples would be surprised how alike our day to day lives are. Currently, our daily lives are more influenced by Rebecca's residency and our lack of money than they are by being lesbians.

I don't know if this is helpful in any way. I also sent another church leader a list of stuff Christians say about LGBT issues (love the sinner, hate the sin; it's not a worse sin than addiction, murder, adultery; and it's not our place to judge). He said he was considering whether to include one of those.

Blessings,

Erin

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