MI Gay Monday

So I wrote this a couple years ago, near the tail end of my MA program, but I found it languishing as a draft today, and it made me chuckle. I should really do more of these. I would love to compile a few more of these from LGBT friends.

9:00 am
Wake up. Greet my gay houseguest. (She really is gay, but that is not why we are friends. We met while taking a Spanish class during our undergrad.) Chat with her a while.

10:00 am
Take a gay shower and wash my gay hair.

10:15 am
Put on gay clothes and say good morning to my lesbian, homosexual, female partner. The clothes are not gay, although they did come from Target, where Salvation Army bellringers are forbidden to chime. Perhaps Target knows that Salvation Army is very anti-gay rights.

10:30 am
Eat gay pie for gay breakfast. As in a previous post, I will admit that this is a very subversive choice. For those of you who are concerned about my gay nutritional needs, I will defend my choice by saying that each slice of pie contains a whole apple. I have a gay piece of MSU Dairy Store cheddar cheese as a protein supplement. The Dairy Store is not gay, just delicious.

10:45
Commence my gay workday of staring at my gay computer. My work is not gay, just me. The computer is not gay, although it would not shock me to learn that Macs are the preferred technology for the LGBT population. I read some gay articles, create a gay reading guide, and spend time using the gay library search sites. The articles, reading guide, and library site are not gay, just me.

11:45
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner leaves for a meeting about residency match. These are just the sorts of things that prevent her from being a properly subversive LGBT woman.

2:00
Have a gay lunch of gay leftover pizza. The pizza really is gay, since I made it myself by hand. (Gay money is very tight right now, so ordering pizza is too expensive.)

2:30
Return to my gay work.

4:00
My lesbian, homosexual, female partner and I take a gay dessert break from our gay work. These sorts of breaks are important. Without them, we might become weary of our exhausting, subversive lifestyle.

4:30
Return to my gay work.

5:30
Leave for my other gay work in the gay ESL Help Room. The room is not gay, just me.

8:00
Return home to make gay dinner. It is not remarkable - just spaghetti and garlic bread.