Two women seeking equality in a state where some couples are more equal than others.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Announcement/Confessions: A Big Move

Some of you saw that I re-posted MI Love: Detroit last night with a note that a big announcement is coming.

The TL;DR version is that Rebecca and I are trying to buy a house in Detroit.

We haven't closed yet. We spent the summer with an offer accepted on a lovely German Tudor in the University District only to have it fall through a few weeks ago. Since then, we've been looking at other houses, running numbers, asking each other what's a want and what's a need, and questioning decisions left and right.

Yesterday, our realtor managed to get us into five homes in three different neighborhoods. My in-laws came out to help. And we think we may have found a solid option.

You were promised confessions, and so here they are.

1. We've been working on this since springtime, and I didn't tell you.

A few of you knew, if I've seen you in person or via Facebook chat. I wanted to share our stories, but this journey has made me feel vulnerable in ways I didn't expect. I was afraid of telling what would turn into "five dollar stories" (ones with no real plot or resolution) before I knew the end. I was afraid that too many opinions would muddy my thoughts more than they already were. I was afraid that telling you about disappointments would make me sound ungrateful, when in reality the fact that we're buying a house feels like one of the biggest privileges in the entire world. And on that note . . .

2. I'm gloriously happy and tremendously terrified all at once.

Some of you know that I've wanted to live in the city for years - probably since 2008 or so (these excerpts from our dream jar back that up).
Rebecca and I used to have separate dream jars but combined them at our religious wedding - anytime we think of something we want to do in our lives, we write it down and put it in this jar. Periodically, we sort through to see how we're doing.
These notes are on slips of paper contained in our marriage "dream jar," where we put ideas for things we want to do in our lifetime. I think I started mine in 2008 or so; I'm not sure when Rebecca started hers. Edit: here's how to make a dream jar.
But somewhere along the line, maybe around the time I joined the Club of People to Whom the Unimaginable is Now Imaginable, it started seeming like dreams don't come true. And some don't. But some do if we fight for them. Someone once said something like, "Our biggest fear isn't that we're weak, it's that we're powerful beyond our wildest dreams." The fact that a long-term dream is coming true, that Rebecca and I have been able to make decisions to do this, has filled my heart with joy but also with additional fear - what else can I accomplish after this? what will that struggle look like? what if this doesn't go well? For as hard as the purchase of the house has turned out to be, it's probably the easy part, right?

3. I'm afraid of being seen as a White Savior -

Or coming to think of myself that way. I'm not a hero. I'm not a savior. In a lot of ways, it might be easier to buy a house and spend the rest of my life in a mostly White suburb, but I'm moving to Detroit at least partly for selfish reasons - because I've wanted to for years, because I love the neighborhoods, because the houses are more likely to have sleeping porches and studies and charm, because I'm afraid of being ordinary and of living my life wondering. Those reasons don't deserve accolades. I'm not going to fix or save the city. I'll settle for being part of any number of the initiatives already going on - Georgia St, Faith Farm, Central Detroit Christian CDC, Youthville, the Children's Center, Wayne State, U of D Mercy, Cabrini Clinic, and so many others I don't have time to mention.  I'm not moving to a deserted neighborhood to engage in permaculture off the grid (though people do and infinity props to them). I'm not trying to graduate from Detroit Public Schools. I'm not trying to hold onto a house I'm underwater on when my pension has been cut and my house hasn't been re-appraised. Like I said, I'm filled with joy, but I'm not brave.

There's so much more to say, but this is enough for now. I'll try to share more when I know more, and maybe I'll fill you in on the details of this story, now that the plot arc has become slightly clearer (perhaps). Thanks to all who have known and kept this to yourselves, who have encouraged and advised us, who have prayed and sent good vibes. You inspire me.

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