Same disclaimer applies: This list is compiled from a number of comments I have heard from straight people about upcoming weddings or things that I have seen at straight weddings in the past. They are NOT a reference to all straight weddings NOR are they taken from one specific straight wedding. Certainly, straight weddings are not without their difficulties, and to straight couples getting married, there are real issues. I do not mean to claim that having a straight wedding constitutes a stress-free experience. Nevertheless, LGBT couples face unique challenges that I hope will be highlighted in this list.
For most straight couples:
Finding a state-sponsored officiant such as a county clerk or judge doesn't involve finding someone who doesn't object to their relationship on moral grounds.
Finding a venue doesn't involve finding a place of worship or hall that doesn't object to their relationship on moral grounds.
Venues, caterers, bakers, clothing salespeople, etc, don't assume that a member of the couple to be married is actually a member of the bridal party.
Venues, caterers, bakers, etc don't refuse service based on a moral objection to the wedding.
Guests do not attend the wedding to see what "a straight wedding" is like or so that they can claim that they are tolerant/venturesome.
RSVPs do not include judgmental notes about the morality of the upcoming nuptials.
Parents, siblings, and close friends can be assumed to come.
The bride is allowed to at least occasionally be a "bride-zilla" to them without reflecting poorly on the entire sexual orientation community she belongs to.
If people choose not to come, the explanation is generally financial or reflects prior obligations.
If people choose not to come, the decision is rarely blamed on the couple's "choice" to belong to the LGBT community, fall in love, and commit to each other.
Parents may want to add additional people to the guest list, rather than trying to hide the ceremony.
The couple will not feel obligated to ask for permission to invite certain family members or family friends for fear of offending them or the parents with an invitation.
Once the wedding is completed, straight couples can assume the following:
They can tell people about their marriage/spouse without fear of reprisal in the form of employment or housing discrimination.
They can post pictures of their wedding without fear of reprisal in the form of employment or housing discrimination.
They can post pictures of public displays of affection without a backlash.
They will not have to be concerned about how future court decisions could affect the status of their marriage.
They will be able to adopt from most private agencies consistent with their religious beliefs if they have the funds to do so.
They will be able to adopt from the foster care system as long as they meet requirements.
Their family and friends will not pray for them to get divorced.
Their family and friends will invite both spouses to family gatherings and holidays.
Have another to add? Comment below!
After the wedding, each spouse will be able to refer to the other in conversation without causing double-takes. "I'm sorry, did you say your 'wife'?"
ReplyDeleteAh, yes, good one! I'm constantly shocked at how many people feel they need to clarify what I mean when I say "my wife" given how long marriage equality has existed in some parts of the country. Recently, our electrical inspector assumed I was just a painter, not one of the homeowners, because he had already met Rebecca, and in a heteronormative framework, that would exhaust the number of women who could be in on owning a home.
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