MI Hate: Keeping the Government Out of Marriage

Dear Michigan Republican Legislators,

Last week, the same day news hit of a devastating terrorist act in Charleston in which a vicious racist took the lives of many faithful, I found out that you are again trying to undermine my family. Since you know that it is likely that the Supreme Court will rule that your state same-sex marriage ban is unconstitutional, or at a minimum that you must accept my out-of-state marriage certificate, you are looking for other ways to keep me from having equality.

You've looked to other states to get ideas. Currently, a favored one seems to be to set up a bunch of smaller laws, rather than one large ban, designed to make my life hard. You'd like to reduce my ability to adopt foster children (a move that hurts the foster children much more than it hurts me).

Another favorite, though, seems to be that "the definition of marriage should not be within the realm of the federal government.” Meaning, essentially, that from this point forward, religious institutions are free to define marriage however they like, a minister must perform wedding ceremonies, and marriage certificates should have nothing more than spiritual significance.

Sure. I can see that argument. But if marriage is purely religious, and the government has no right to define or regulate it, then let's burn all government-issued marriage certificates, including yours. Let's say that the government no longer recognizes any marriages at all, including yours. Let me tell you what would happen, since I lived for a year and a half with only a spiritual marriage covenant, and still live with limited legal recognition:

1. Your employer would no longer have standing to provide your spouse with health insurance.

If your spouse doesn't work, or works part-time someplace without insurance, he/she (probably she, given the number of stay-at-home moms in the conservative community) will be significantly more likely to have to purchase insurance on the exchanges, use Medicaid, or go without. You have no legal way to prove who this person is to you, so an employer offering health insurance is purely a goodwill gesture, not a requirement. You may have to change employers to find one that offers this goodwill, or if you are searching for a job, you may have to turn down positions to make sure that your partner will be covered.

2. Your tax situation will be incredibly difficult.

Taxes are already difficult, but let's imagine - you no longer get any deductions for being married. You'll have to determine who owns which assets, who pays which bills, and if you have children, who gets to deduct them if that deduction continues to persist. On top of income tax, estate taxes will be much higher because the government will not automatically assume your spouse should be entitled to your property.

3. You will have to fill out extra legal documents to make sure the right person makes your health and financial decisions if you're incapacitated.

You may have done this already, or you may not have. But even if you have, be prepared to have these documents filed and to carry them with you at all times, since just telling hospital staff someone is your spouse will no longer be sufficient to convince them that this person has standing to make medical decisions. If they'd prefer, and you don't have your documents, they can call a parent or sibling to make your decisions instead.

4. If your children are not biologically yours, get ready for a legal mess.

For couples with infertility or who want to adopt, or in a situation of divorce or a challenge of custody, your marriage certificate will no longer be sufficient to demonstrate that you have a legal right to be listed as a parent. Second parent adoption might be impossible - you may have to choose which spouse should be listed as the sole guardian of your child. If you can have second parent adoption, you will have to contact agencies to find out whether your spiritual marriage will help or hurt you.

Of course, there are lots of other issues. I think these four give you a pretty good idea what kind of convoluted trap you're setting not only for the LGBT community, but for yourselves. While I'm at it, let me mentioned that an ordained minister performed my spiritual marriage ceremony, and I know several others who would do the same for a legal one if I needed. So not only are you being petulantly childish, but your ploy is likely to be relatively ineffective.

How about we pass a roads bill instead?