Two women seeking equality in a state where some couples are more equal than others.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Finally, Almost?

It finally happened! A judge in Michigan struck down the constitutional ban on gay marriage in the DeBoer v. Snyder case.

This is so much progress, and very exciting, but it's hard to feel that this has an end. For one thing, I haven't heard what will happen with second parent adoption, something that is critical for LGBT families to have true equality. For another, the attorney general is appealing and requesting a stay. What has happened in other states in this situation is that the state has managed to put marriages on hold indefinitely, suspending rights that should be granted. This can leave people in limbo, particularly if some people manage to get married before the stay and others have weddings planned but don't get to execute them.

In Rebecca and my case, there's another question. Since we didn't wait for legal marriage in Michigan, what happens? Will our California marriage be considered valid? Or do we need to have a third wedding?

I have been congratulated by multiple straight people, and I'm trying to be grateful, but I wish they could understand what it feels like to know that this could be taken away from us before it's made permanent. And that's ridiculous. Outrageous. Preposterous. If marriage is a civil rights issue, how is it moral or ethical to decide that we should have it and then take it away? What happens if one of us ends up hospitalized or worse in this limbo period? When will we finally feel good about having children? When can we file our taxes together like a normal married couple?

Don't these judges and lawyers realize that families are at stake here?