Two women seeking equality in a state where some couples are more equal than others.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

MI Love: Apples

Michigan is a huge producer of apples. I grew up an apple connoisseur - we picked apples every year and I know exactly what I like, down to which apples are okay at a grocery store and which must be picked fresh. One of my Asian friends was shocked to hear how many different kinds of apples there are. She thought there were three:  red, green, and yellow.

To celebrate Michigan apple season, Rebecca and I are hosting a caramel apple party. Given that it takes a certain amount of caramel to dip even one apple, and that amount will coat several more apples than Rebecca and I can eat, we decided to have some people over to share in the process. We hope it will be an evening to enjoy Michigan produce and the company of people we love.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Happy Coming Out Day!

I'm not entirely out of the closet . . . I've got one foot still in there. The reasons are complicated.

But this year is my first Coming Out Day where I've been more out than in. And that is progress.

Monday, October 10, 2011

I'm not gay until you know I'm gay

Josh Healey - Coming Out Straight

A friend recently sent me a link to this video, and I think it sums up the feelings of many gay people.

Straight people come out all the time. They mention their husbands and wives, their girlfriends and boyfriends, dates they've gone on, their exes. They rarely announce, "Hey, I'm straight. I just wanted you to know." Coming out for an LGBT individual is "supposed" to be this kind of announcement. And even if I choose to come out by mentioning my partner, much as a straight person would, I hesitate, and I question whether I should have done it. This is because people assume that a person is straight until shown otherwise, unless the person meets certain stereotypes.

So what if people had to come out as straight the way that people are expected to come out as gay? Josh Healey takes a stab at the situation, at least for his family. It would be very different for my family - very, very different. But the comparison holds true, I think.

How do you come out, consciously or unconsciously? And what have been reactions to that?

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Homophobia

People often assert that they are not homophobes while also opposing gay rights. I wonder what they mean by this.

Wikipedia, clearly the leading authority on the subject, defines homophobia as "a term used to refer to a range of negative attitudes and feelings towards lesbian, gay and in some cases bisexual, transgender people and behavior, although these are usually covered under other terms such as biphobia and transphobia." The Anti-Defamation League used a more focused definition, "Homophobia is the hatred or fear of homosexuals - that is, lesbians and gay men - sometimes leading to acts of violence and expressions of hostility." Then there's Merriam-Webster weighing in with "irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals." 

Clearly, there is no real consensus on what constitutes homophobia. Maybe Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart's remark about pornography, "I know it when I see it," applies here.

So, what's your definition of homophobia? How do you know when someone is a homophobe?

Monday, October 3, 2011

Question for My Readers

Someone recently told me that choosing to stay in the closet was tantamount to admitting that being a lesbian is wrong. But then I've also heard gay people told to keep their sexual preferences under wraps; it's ok as long as you don't talk about it (DADT, anyone?).

So here's the question. Is staying in the closet an admission of guilt? Why else might people choose not to share their sexual preferences?

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Apologies for my Absence

Hi everyone,

Sorry that it's been so long since I posted. Classes have started again, and Rebecca and I are both very busy with school.

We did go down to our venue today to get a feel for it and to see how we might want to set up the ceremony.

I hope I'll get around to posting more soon.